Car photos

Many many thoughts

Oh deary me...I am really much more than a cup half-full type of gal. Usually my cup runneth over, I don't hold grudges, I move on and I look at the bright side of things. Its been harder for the past month or so, however...Some challenges, in no particular order:


On July 7 I had a nasty accident with our van, Lulu, as it rolled down a hill (photos to follow as I figure out Picasa/Blogger interfaces)

Thankfully:

• no one was hurt, and it could've been ugly, as there were many people around
• it happened at camp, on the first day, so I didn't need a car, and I had the most supportive people in the world with me
• I have a US cell phone so it wasn't nearly as costly to make all the required calls
• I have BCAA, which came and towed Lulu away
• the camp staff were amazing and fabulous - Camp Brotherhood, in Mt Vernon, WA, should you ever be needing a great space to book for a large gathering. They took special care in removing Lulu (unlike the tow truck gentlemen), so the damage was minimalized.
• we have bit of extra money thanks to Rob's writing, so were able to not have to stress too much about renting a car to get me home
• my brother and his wife have been awesome and generous, letting us stay with them and tackling rush hour traffic to get us to the shop - Craftmans Collision in Coquitlam, who have also rocked
• it's summer so I don't have as many obligations on my time and was still able to pull off a pretty darn nice camping trip

What's bumming me out:

• Lulu is still in the shop, a month later, and we have no idea when she'll be done
• no one would pay to bring her to the island (BCAA, ICBC, Toyota), so she's stuck in Vancouver and we're stuck with extra ferry bills and the hassle of traveling back and forth
• Toyota's been stupid about it, especially Metro Lexus Toyota in Victoria - avoid at all costs! So we don't know where Lulu's going after Craftsman Collision
• Since there was previous damage, we're stuck with a mighty huge amount of money to pay for, which induces severe guilt every time I think of it
• we need to return our loaner car before Lulu goes to whatever Toyota dealership she goes to...so we need to rent a car, and since we are booked to be in Seattle and Bellingham and Bowen Island over the next week, that sucks too

Okay, so its all manageable and much better than it could be (half full plus, see?), but still hard to deal with and very frustrating, since there is no end in sight

On a much, much larger scale of the serious suck, my dad is really sick with emphysema. He nearly died in Feb., and that was incredibly hard and I spent weeks at the hospital with him. He's home and going steadily downhill, getting more and more depressed, fighting less and less with the disease and more and more with others around him, and giving up. he's always been a huge fighter, more strong willed, for better or for worse, than almost anyone I know. I hate seeing him like this, I hate feeling helpless. I want to bully him into taking care of himself, but if he continues to put his strong will into fighting everyone, it's a very hard thing to work against.

Add to that the natural patterns of passive aggressiveness and fighting, bitterness and resentment that have built up over the past 30 years between he and my mom and its a toxic fog to walk in to. I'm trying to be supportive and unbiased and helpful, cheerful and upbeat, but the sheer negativity, blame, and general ugliness is exhausting, on top of the actual situation, which is pretty damn bleak right now. There's way more to it, many bad conversations, nasty situations and ugly scenes which I won't detail here, but its awful and worsening fast. And that sucks majorly, and its hard to find the ray of light in this situation right now. I'll be going up and helping out and hanging out a bunch starting after we return from this trip to the Mainland, hopefully I can get things turned to a more positive light. If its possible...

Oooo, that was negative! Shame on me...I can only make it the best that it can be under the circumstances. And take lots and lots of deep, healing breaths.

What else? We went to see a fertility doctor to figure out our secondary infertility issues - looking weight and getting healthier would help, procreating more often would too...I figured my thyroid was maybe part of the problem, and have already had some bloodwork done, and an in-office, internal ultrasound.

Turns out I have a golf-ball sized cyst on my left ovary

Crap

Could be endometriosis, but I don't have the other symptoms. Could be a tumour, which in turn could be benign or malignant. I'm still pretty positive - mom had a bigger tumour way before she had me, it was benign, and after they removed it and her opposite fallopian tube she was told she couldn't have kids, but somehow had me and my brother - she swears by yoga, yoga classes, here I come! I'm not ready to really freak out yet, but it's still there at the back of my mind...

Otherwise, the house is a disaster. Can't walk through it, piles of crap everywhere and so much to do. I guess that's my job for the rest of the summer, once we're home, between trips up-Island. But its gross and depressing and stress inducing.

But Mr X rocks, and is the best kid ever, and while I'm biased, I have a good chunk of experience and kids to compare with. And I'm getting a new laptop, which is very cool and exciting. We're off for a trip again, and we have much fun as a family whilst on the road. We're going to see a preview of young Frankenstein before it hits New York, and that's pretty wicked awesome too. And I'm going to see Tom Hunter perform in Bellingham and maybe see some camp friends, also tres cool.

It'll all be okay, its just hard to process sometimes...