I'm weary and dispirited

I'm heading to bed as soon as I'm done his because I'm not getting enough sleep. Once again there just aren't enough hours in the day and I'm feeling overwhelmed. I went to the Learning Disabilities resource Centre today and got a tutor for Xander. I don't think I'm admitting defeat, but it feels like I've let him down on some level, even though I know we've been really working hard at the reading. He needs something different, and I think maybe someone different, to get him back on track at least. Its like I was saying to him today - when he goes to swim lessons, he does things for his teachers he'd never do for me, likewise with dance and musical theatre and skating...It isn't usually a problem with jobs and work he likes, such as math or science or socials. But other jobs, or things that feel too much like work, he'll dig in his heels. So hopefully this will e a good thing for him - its certainly pricey enough! But I have to get over the feelings of not meeting his needs in terms of reading/literacy, and let someone else help. I still think he's 100% better off than he'd be at a school.

And then I feel like I've been letting others down - I haven't been in contact with camp people, or sent away the tape I haven't made. we haven't done thank you cards for Xander's presents, I haven't uploaded my Hollyhock music and sent it out, or contacted any of the people from there that I meant to.

I'm behind on laundry, dishes, and all the housework that got halfway done before we got the computers, which I've failed to set up. plus moving the bunny cage, finishing setting up our daycare space, getting Xander's work completely going. Creating a unit study of ancient Greece and the mythology. registering him for other swim lessons, exploring music lessons or other active classes. I missed out on any dance or arts classes for myself, which is fine, since I'm doing choir and Rob'll be gone or busy with events most nights anyways.

I haven't started an eating plan, or even tried to keep junk food out of the house and out of my body. I haven't been walking the dog, or getting any exercise, or enough sleep. I'm not taking care of myself.

I've been too busy to archive Rob's reviews - not that I know where they all are right now, actually. I'm neglecting him too.

I know things are actually going very well. I just spend so much of my time ensuring others are content, or happy, or cared for and already I've let my own stuff slide. I feel I can't do good stuff for me (other than choir, which has become a physiological need) until I do all the things I need to do, as listed above, and then some.

But the reality is that the house is a mess, I'm not where I should be for homeschooling (I have to submit our lesson plan pronto), I'm physically in rough shape and need to pull it together...

Arg!

Anyways, this is far too depressing and negative, which I'm trying not to be, so I shall stop right here.

Sleep should help!

These are fun!

Dash You scored 30% Sociability and 52% Sophistication!

There's no denying that you have a certain flair. You don't mind being around others, especially your little brother, the hyphen, but you rarely emerge except when needed. You respond well to those who know how to treat you, but have only contempt for those who don't--you tend to embarass them every chance you get. Your only enemy is the colon--he will sometimes try to move in on your turf.

Pretty sure I don't agree with the embarassing others part. The rest is kinda spot on...and a dash does have a certain flair!

Well, THAT didn't take long.

The honeymoon is over. I now fully despise the rain again. In the time it took for me to go to the garage and back - not far - down the steps, 10 feet along the front of the house (under the very drippy ornamental plum tree) and another 30 feet, maybe, along the side of the house and back, I got drenched- soaked to the skin in cold rain. Warmish rain is fun to play in. Not so cold water.

I am not a happy camper. Damp, soggy perhaps, but less than impressed to say the least.

Off to dry the glasses and get into warm clothes!

Here comes the rain again...

I have to admit I'm procrastinating. AGAIN. There, now that that's out of the way...

I am a summer girl. There is absolutely no way to get around it. I get sad when I see the leaves turn, miffed when they have the audacity to fall. Really ticked when the island rains begin and our long season of sameness hits - wind, rain, more wind, clouds, some sun, then back to the wind and rain. I'd be more accepting, slightly, if I didn't live in a house with quite so many leaks and drainage problems. Or if I didn't have to traipse outside in said rain and/or wind to do laundry. Which is one of the things I'm avoiding right now.

Because its raining.

I have to admit, in a perverse way, because its the first rain in over a month, I do like the sound of it. Just like I enjoy the sound when I'm camping and it rains (because I have a curse, it always rains when I camp.). But being inside and listening to the sound is lovely. For one day. Then it can stop, thank you very much. Days of deluge are just not for me. Maybe its in part because where I live, we get sun for about 4 months, and rain for the rest. not snow, or other recognizable signs of seasonal changes. Rain. And wind, of course. So tonight, other than having to go and do laundry, which requires going out in the rain, I can accept the sound and even enjoy it a bit. Knowing, having checked the Weather Network, that not only is is only forecast for tonight, but that they're predicting an unseasonably warm and dry fall.

Hopefully it won't rain for our ferry trip tomorrow morning. We've never taken this ferry and I'm looking forward to it, but it won't be as pretty in the rain. And Galiano won't be as fun to explore. And maybe people won't come pout to Rob's reading. So here's hoping for drier skies in the morning!

And so it begins...

I've been horribly negligent with all my e-correspondence (and snail mail obligations too, to be honest). School/daycare has started, plus all the busy book stuff, Xander's extracurricular classes and everything else that makes the beginning of September what it is when you work in the school system. And so I haven't emailed good friends who've been far more on the ball, or updated here, or any of the other things I should be doing that I let slide to the wayside...

So dear friends, I shall get it together soon, really, truly...Of course, we're away this weekend...and next week is darn full...and then the next weekend is a family celebration (late for Xander's birthday, and Rob's away as of the Sunday..And we're in Vancouver the next weekend...Somewhere in there, though, I'll get back on track, and in the meantime, I've not forgotten you!

Anyways, once again, seriously sleep deprived and just taking 5 minutes before I climb between the sheets...A few thoughts though...

• The Producers is a damn fine movie. I'm sure anyone not interested in Broadway musicals would disagree, as it is very much in the old tradition of musical movies. But it stays so true to the stage version, and simply is wonderful. Unlike other, much anticipated stage to screen adaptations such as Rent and Chicago. Sadly disappointing. But how cool is it that I am able to make direct comparisons, having seen all 3 on stage, Producers only once without all the original cast, Rent and Chicago many, many times, with original cast several of those times. I am a lucky girl!
• I need to go back to New York. Rob and I were talking, and Xander and I were talking, and its agreed that we need to return, for a goodly amount of time. A Chorus Line is being revived! How cool is that? And Les Mis, but its barely been gone, and was overdue to go, so I'm not sure how excited I am about that. Though for Xander to be able to see it would be incredibly cool too. I think he's old enough now. But how to fit in New York and Disneyland? We shall have to do some figuring. And we've been invited to Quebec for Carnival with my brother and his wife and our parents...what an experience that would be. it's going to be a very full year - like it hasn't been full already!
• My brain is very, very full and I'm just dumping randomly. So be it!
• Work has been very hectic and not entirely pleasant. I hope it improves. I had an embarrassing (professionally) situation today with a youngster who had an accident just as the parent arrived...I was given this new child to care for - new to me, not the school, and was not told the extent of her special needs, nor indeed, what I needed to know in areas such as toileting and her limited language skills. So it was unfortunate that I didn't know her needs and mom walked in just after she'd soiled herself. But then again, if I wasn't told, how could I know? Still, I have to make good with the mom in the morning and it rather sucks..on the little's first day too.
• Still haven't resolved the computer networking/email stuff yet - probably won't until next week, as tomorrow is pretty full, ending with a dance class for Xander late, and early the next day to Galiano, where Rob's doing an event at our friend Lee's store. We're excited, and she and her partner have graciously opened their house to us too, so we get a vacation and visit as well
• Rob's book is still doing well - better and better, with spots on all sorts of bestseller lists - unofficial at this point, but it will come! It's incredibly intense and unbelievable and I'm so proud and a little stunned (but so is he!). The good news keeps pouring in, and there's still film deals, and Frankfurt book fair in October, and then the US sales and the Canadian trade publication has been moved up and, and, and...wow!
• I'm trying to figure out how best to approach Xander's reading problems - intense focus, or ease off and let it come, or something in between. It really sucks, because usually I'm incredibly confident and follow my gut and just go with it with anything to do with kids...no problems at all. But I'm doubting myself and questioning my decisions and that's really weird and hard.
• I'm back at choir and am absolutely loving it. I am determined to make music more a part of my life, to develop my voice and my skills, to sing just for fun more, and not care who's listening. I've discovered so much abut my voice this summer. The actual physical way I sing has changed, in several ways. I'm breathing differently, which helps hold the notes. I am developing an ear for pitch and actual notes, which helps. I finally know how to sing in harmony, technically, though the execution is not the same as the understanding of the principals. But that will come. And I sing differently. The sounds get formed in the back of my mouth now, rather than the front, and I can hold my note, be more accurate and way stronger. My voice sounds lower, and way less breathy. Its so cool. I am gaining such confidence and its putting a huge bounce in my step, which I love. I'm going to try to head to choir twice a week when possible this season, just for the joy of singing with others. If I had more time, I'd look into a second choir - there's a local neighborhood non-audition just down the road starting up and it'd be cool to be one of the original members. Or the gospel choir - that's be fun too. Another time, of course! This allow is doing wonders
• So the weight loss thing is not working so well. I do not have any self restraint around junk food, and around ensuring I eat regularly. But I've decided once again to push it back - just until after Galiano, I think. I need to get all the junk food out of the house and not bring more in!
• I had an interesting physio session today. My left arm and hand get very numb a lot, and I was talking with Ross about it, and he decided to try some different acupuncture. He put a needle in my chest, right near my collarbone, measuring very carefully to get the right spot. I didn't feel anything tangible in my arm, though it has felt better today, since the appointment. But what I felt, immediately, was my upper lip going numb, like dental anesthetic wearing off, and my eyes numb and watering. Then Ross put a matching needle in the other side and the feeling intensifies. I told Ross and he showed me a chart with the meridians, and I felt it exactly where the meridians went. How cool and weird is that? I respond very well to the acupuncture, and I guess this is another example.

I need to stop there. The room is spinning, I'm so exhausted. Holy typos! Hopefully spell check will get most of them! I'm not looking through this for them.

Sleepily signing off!

"Before I Wake", Robert J Wiersema

Okay, Its sooo past my bedtime. But I had a thought. I blog about Rob a lot, and the book and the book stuff, and I have a link to his website. So how come, when we Google him (and yes., you know we do - far more than we should). Whys'it that this here blog never comes up? So I thought, what if I put all the info into the title, and again in body - wait for it, its coming - I'd see if it comes up on a Google search. But I won;t search now - I'll see if it comes up when Rob does it in the morning. Okay it is morning. But later in the morning...

And I can use this place to proudly announce - again - that's it has hit #5 on the Maclean's bestseller list...3 weeks after publication, 1 week after publicity and media and launch date.

Here it is:
Before I Wake
Robert J Wiersema
Random House Canada
On sale: Aug.8, 2006
Pub. date: Aug 25, 2006

I'm too lazy to look up the ISBN, and no, I don't have it memorized!
But perhaps Rob does...

Anyways, if you want it, call your local independent bookseller...or check it out on www.amazon.ca, where you see how its ranked on sales ratings!!!! (Top 30, more often than not!!!!!)

Damn stupid *&$%#^* computers

I just blogged my heart out on the new computer which won't network with the other 2...spent the whole day, both Rob and I, working on it, poor Xander just kept himself busy. And they still won't work. And now this computer blocked my spellcheck and somehow opened a new page and lost my blog, without saving it to draft or anything, and I have absolutely no idea why or how. No warning screen. nothing.

Basically, I was having a not-so-mild freak out of all the things I need to do before bed, which won't be at midnight, that's for sure. And how I have no brain space to even contemplate what I need for tomorrow or anything else for that matter.

Urg and arrgh and aahhh and all that funky jazz.

I'm am in a serious mood and it s a good thing for my boys that they're fast asleep. They would be too close to the fallout area.

Off to:

• do dishes
• laundry
• clean out the fridge
• install Microsoft Office
• set up email accounts
• put away Chinese takeout
• feed pets
• get stuff together for tomorrow

way too much to do!

Revelations

So I'm almost on a roll with the cleaning.

But I'm stymied...

First, many thanks to Rob who cleared off "2 and 75/100ths" worth of shelf space for me. Apparently he reads these late night offerings - and reads more into them than he's meant to...or not enough - honey, you were supposed to offer up that entire room you call a study....
Really, though - it was a rant and nothing more and I am very grateful for the shelf space that was immediately put to use - with Rob's help even!

The stymied part:
Anyways, I'm on a cleaning roll, which actually sucks a lot, because I need to get to bed very soon so I can do the computers during the day tomorrow, rather than sleeping in until noon again (I'd feel more embarrassd if I hadn't been up till 4:15 am or later 2 nights in a row). There is an inordinate amount of papers to be sorted. Many of them are stationary and school supply type things, that need to go into containers, post sorting, on the shelves I've not finished. I bought cheap and, more importanly, easy to put up, shelves for the kitchen. But they're small and not sturdy enough which means that I'll be building shelves after all, which is what I've been avoiding. Not from scratch, but from kits, but not the simple melamine ones either - pine shelves that require a large number of screws which need my electric drill to put in. If I didn't have to head to bed, I'd do that tonight so Ii can start emptying boxes.

The other papers - Xander's school papers pre-homescholing, which need to be filed, last years work, also needing to be filed. All the workbooks and schoolbooks and programs I have for homeschooling, many of which, thankfully, are at least semi-organized. The rest to be organized... Then my stuff- household receipts and bills and pay stubs and stuff. Medical papers to be filed. Insurance stuff to be dealt with. My journals and notebooks and planners and all the other stuff I accumulate.

Aside here - the main revelation from the title - I have found a disturbingly large number of journals and notebooks and workbooks with all my weight loss plans - clearly unsuccessful. What the hell am I going to do? How will I do it differently so that I stick to it and it works? I quite frankly, like junk food and convenience foods and don't like fruits and veggies very much at all. Xander does come by it naturally, though it was hugely exacerbated by his school. Anyways, what is going to make it stick? How am I going to deal with it, find the time, energy, motivation and headspace to get my weight down where it should be? I'm kind of leaning towards a bootcamp, but its too late this time around. But I'll try to set some goals and a plan I can stick with and get on it. I was supposed to begin this Tuesday, but I'm postponing, for the FINAL TIME, until after Galiano, next weekend. This cleaning (and procrastinating) has been more work than I anticipated, plus all the back to work and homeschooling stuff.

Anyways, I also have a myraid of pens, pencils, glue sticks, stickers, etc to sort and put away. Once I get the shelves up I can deal with a lot of it, and then I can sort the rest while watching my tv shows which start soon. Authorman Rob has used a chunk of his money not only for the new computer, but also for a PVR and I'm very excited about this. I loved using my brother Terry's when we housesat for him. Pause, rewind and record tv as its on? Program it to automatically catch all your shows when you go away? How cool is that? And good for Rob, ad me, as he'll be away a lot, and he can catch his shows and I don't have to mess around with the VCR or worry about remembering...Yay!

Anyways, so that sorting can take place after the rest, and I truly plan on continuing to plug away for an hour or 2 every day until its done.

We'll see.

But I have lot of junk and stuff and crap and important stuff too, which i need to find homes for and its truly stupid that now I've cleared enough of it and sorted enough that I can actually see what needs to be done and where I'm going with it, and I need to stop. I'm worried I'll not get back into the swing of things soon. I need to be in the right mood and it all jsut works - I get into an amazing cleaning flowstate adn I'm there now. So I'm stymied..stay up and go with what's working, but be tired tomorrow whaen i'm fiddling with computers and all that stuff? Or head to bed and risk losing this flow...

I think there was more, but I can't remember now, so I'm off to finish the clearing out a space for the computer on my worktable. And a printer, too - a large one. Actual cleaning to take place at a time TBA.

I'm even more behind schedule, because I slept in (which I needed), then we went downtown, which was fun, but took a lot of time, and then to Walmart, which we also needed, but was way less fun and took even more time. And somewhere in there I got really sick with a hideous headache. The day is actaully a blur - if I think hard I can remember it, but its like a dream. So we got home late in the afternoon, Xander didn't do any of his math he wants to get done, and instead of cleaning, I ended up seriously crashing, having imbibed a huge mass of strong painkillers, after lying in bed shivering and unable to move. When I woke a couple of hours later, it was Xander's bedtime, I had a slight fever and was incredibly overheated and the headache had subsided but not completely disappeared. So that was a whole day gone right there....

Okay, I think I need to finish the little stuff and leave the rest, even though I don't want to. But I can't waste a whole day again - I have way too much to do.

Boy I'm whiny right now - good thing I can vent here and not impose it on someone who doesn't have the option of walking away...

How I'm avoiding the housework tonight...

Actually, I'm doing a very good job, working on the messiest, nastiest bit of the house. Problem is, its my stuff, and there is no place to put it all. Somehow in the grand scheme of things (and me being me, I guess), I've made sure, repeatedly, that there is room for all of Rob's books and stuff, and for Xander's toys and stuff...There is no place for my stuff - books, craft supplies, papers, etc. I used to share a room with Rob that became Xander's when he was born and that was the start of it...What is now Rob's study was a room we rented out to a good friend of ours. Then Xander got his room, Peter had by then moved out and that (large) room became Rob's study. My stuff ended up in the garage and the bedroom, with some in the kitchen. Then we discovered the mold in Xander's ceiling, and his room became storage. His bed and dresser came into our room, and his toys into the living and family rooms...now overrun. Things like display shelves for his Buddha collection have followed, of course. I tried to claim part of the living room for homeschooling last year and the enormous table set aside for that has since been buried under all the things I own that don't have a home. Now I needs must clear off said gigantic table'o'crap and find homes for all the stuff without homes, so we can move the computer there.
In a house full of books, most of mine are in boxes, unless they're for the whole family or work - health and fitness, childcare. I think I'm gonna have to box up more- most of my sci-fi/fantasy, to make room for other stuff. Its frustrating and makes me long for a bigger house, with a room all of my own, just for all my belongings. Or a space in the main house where they'd be welcome.

Anyways, what I'm doing now is de-cluttering, moving crap from one place to another, tearing out my hair in frustration and imagining my dream house. But space is being found, slowly but surely...of course space in other places, the kitchen table, for instance, is now at a premium. I suspect that this will not be done by midnight on Monday. If I can get the computers set up and the living room back into a semblance of of order, that'd be a very good start. And then maybe the front room - the computer area will have to be cleaned so I can set up the computer. Cleaned, not just cleared by shoving everything into new piles, or boxes...But I really need to tackle Xander's toys, with his assistance, as they are taking over and have no order whatsoever right now.

My goal is to have the house clean enough that I can come home after work and find a chair to actually sit in and be able to look around and not feel this intense pressure to get up and start cleaning... Neat enough that a few minutes a day (from all 3 of us) will keep it maintained. Then I want to start looking for a new home, temporary while we tear down and rebuild, but big enough hopefully for us and our stuff.

Anyways, what I was doing while taking this now too long break was looking up Prader Willie Syndrome. Friends (a lovely couple) whom we've fallen out of touch with came to Rob's launch here (for several they were teaching overseas, and then she was doing a Masters in Poetry in England). They brought their adorable 4 month old son with them, and he has PWS. It near broke my heart to feel Y hold my hand and tell me, squeezing me and holding on...They're coming to acceptance, and have been meeting other families with children with PWS, but they have a long road ahead of them. I was pretty sure I knew most of the prognosis and so on, and after checking, found I was right, though I didn't know that many children are able to work with their learning disabilities and are not always cognitively delayed. There is, of course, the eating component, which is what comes to mind first, and the low muscle tone. I didn't know about slow maturity and the fact that many never become fully sexually mature, though some do. Its chromosomal, 70% from the father, and not easily detectable in screenings. He's a beautiful baby, and has arrived into a very good family, with education backgrounds and the ability and willingness to go out and learn all they can and be strong advocates for him. But they still will have a rough road at times. They're in my thoughts a lot right now.

Something to make me smile... My dear friend Billie from camp has got a new phone plan that includes unlimited calls to Canada (she's in Milwaukee). So I had a lovely chat tonight and it was grand to hear her voice. I need to check flights her way more, because I'd love to go and visit and meet her family and hang out in her home daycare, which sounds amazing. It was a perfectly timed call, just as the summer's ending. It reminded me of all the contacts I need to maintain this year, for myself and others!

It's the little things...

...in life that matter sometimes.

I just had some tears. Not sadness, exactly, but bittersweet, and to many out there, it will seem extremely silly, and maybe it is. But the feelings are real nonetheless.

So a few days ago, before Xander's birthday, I wrote about my sadness about him growing out of little-kid-dom. I'm cleaning the kitchen and preparing to set up some shelves in there to hold craft supplies and stationary and the like. And to do so, I had to take down his little kitchen. It hasn't been used in a couple of years, and even before that he never really spent much time there. But it still was magical.

In the corner of our very large and horribly designed kitchen there was an eating nook. Basically 2 benches fixed to the wall, probably about 50 years ago or more. For a while we had our table there too, but it was awkward, so we moved the table into the room. The benches, not removable, have been used for storage - we had a whiteboard above one for years

Aside here - another memory that came up when I was cleaning. When the whiteboard was there, Xander, as a 21 month old - very tiny, was obsessed with drawing on it. The pictures he drew then were amazing - faces, complete with eyes, nose, mouth, eyebrows, ears, hair, neck - incredibly detailed. NOT what a not yet 2 year old draws. They were at the level of a 6 year old. Seriously. I know kids' art and this was way above his level. Not stick figures, but full fledged heads and bodies. Even at 4, a typical kid's drawing of a body would have the arms and legs coming directly out of the head - its how they see things. Numbers of eyes, mouths and so on is flexible...Anyways, spontaneously and without any prompting he would stand on this bench that was almost his height and draw away. We have photos and video - if I remember to dig them out, I'll post something here. Then, just after his 2nd birthday, he stopped drawing and when he picked up a pencil again, it was quite a while after that - and he drew just like any 2 year old. He's only just begun in the past year to actually like drawing and to spontaneously draw. For several years he did everything he could to avoid drawing and colouring (which he still doesn't enjoy). Maybe its the dyslexia, maybe something else...his brain was busy developing other skills. His art classes have changed that, and I'm thrilled. But somewhere in his mind...collective consciousness? Past life memories/experiences? Somehow, he knew how to draw people, in detail, and we never taught him...

Anyways, I was cleaning tonight and pictured him in his little footed pj's standing (barely - wobbling to and fro) and drawing these amazing pictures...Then I thought about our plans to tear down the house, and all the things that would go - those benches (which I really despise!). The doorjamb with his height marked on it - though that I'm going to try to save somehow...I just got that sad feeling.

Anyways again...the little kitchen was magic, because Santa brought it...I think maybe when Xander was 2 1/2..maybe 31/2...curse my pathetic memory...Santa, aided completely by me. I built a raised wooden counter with a hole cut into it for a sink - I asked his sitter's dad who has the tools and workshop to do that for me. I painted the parts, got shelf paper that looked like a countertop and papered it. Found 2 silver drawer pulls for taps and a long silver drawer handle which I attached at one end to make a faucet. I took another piece of wood, papered the ends and left the center white, cut 4 circles from balck contact paper and made stove burners. Took trim and 4 drawer pulls and made the knobs for the stove. How I imagined it all up is beyond me. How I made it, last minute, right before Christmas, is a blur...I don't think I slept at all.
The wonder on his face - that Santa could do such magic...The memories of him puttering...the tea parties we had with his teeny china tea set...all that is irrevocably in the past, never to be returned to. Little things, small things...but important to me, regardless.

I know that partly its because I'm beginning to give up on the idea of having another child, and I'm really grieving that. And I'm really not ready for him to be so big a kid. Is this going to be the Christmas that the Santa questions come up? How will we deal with them? Can we keep him innocent for another year? I truly hope so...not being in school might help with that, buit will it be harder for him to be older and still beleive when others don't? Will the discovery when he's older be embarrassing if he's the oldest? These aren't questions that have answers...they're the kind of thing I ponder though.

Silly silly me, typing with tears rolling down my face for something so small. But as I said, sometimes its the little things. We forget to seize the moment, to enjoy the little things, to play and have fun and just let them be kids. To experience the world from where they are. I think I'm luckier than most becasue I haven't lost that completely, nor do I think I will. And I get to be with other kids all the time, which is a joy too (mostly!). Parents who are always rushing their kids to be more mature, to stop chattering, to be independent, to not be silly, who don't let their kids dream and imagine and run wild a little bit, who expect them to be adults in miniature - they're not only doing their children a grave diservice, they're missing out on the fundamental point of having kids - to see the world in and through their eyes, to help them explore the world and to enjoy the ride along the way. Every once in a while I catch myself with that 'hurry up' or 'shhh, quit babbling' attitude and I try to stop right away. Other times I find myself hushing Xander when there's other adults who are less understanding of 'kidness', of trying to get him to conform to these mini-adult expectations and I hate myself for doing it. He is one of the most well behaved, relaxed and easy-going kids I've ever met, and we're so lucky. So when he gets little a wound up, he's moving into most kids' normal way of being. His hyper is regular kid everyday behaviour. I don't want to hush or squash that, and I'm going to work on that more this year.

So I went on one of my usual tangents. At least the tears have slowed...not quit, but its a trickle now, not a torrent.

Its after 3:00am. I have a couple of little jobs I still want to accomplish before I roll inot bed, so I'm off. But I needed to write this to help me process it. Its the last of the "little kid" stuff to be packed away. All the other toys are packed up or at the daycare, the clothes are packed, the books in boxes. This was the last remaining vestige of Xander's toddler and preschool days and it needed to be put away. But it was a hard thing to do. Very hard. I'm glad I did it at night when I was alone. I needed that.

Done.

The State of the Whimsical Girl

Okay

Here I am once again avoiding housework. If I actually kept up with it (and my boys helped), it'd never get this bad. I have a self-imposed deadline of midnight Labour Day, made more pressing because we just bought a new computer, and space needs to be made for the old one, and the new one needs to be installed, and files transferred and all that. How sad is it that setting up computers and playing with the files is my reward for cleaning?

Stuff that's been going on (as I avoid cleaning):

Rob's 2 launches were rousing successes. Victoria was HUGE, and Vancouver slightly less so, but attended by family and many good book folks

Rob has, in the past week or so, done media at:

• A Channel News (in studio)
• Chek 6 News (in studio and live at his Victoria launch)
• CBC 1 - All Points West, all of BC except Lower Mainland
• CFAX radio - am show with Joe Easingwood
• CFAX radio - afternoon edition with Eric...
• recorded with Bravo TV at his Vancouver launch
• article and review in Times Colonist
• article and review in Vancouver Sun
• amazing review in Globe and Mail
• article and review in Monday Magazine (2 separate editions)
• article and review in Victoria Newsgroup papers (2 separate editions)
• review in Georgia Straight newspaper
• review in North Shore News
• review in Hamilton paper
• review in Halifax Gazette

That's it, I think, though he has another interview with CBC, and who knows what else

He is currently #5 on the Maclean's Bestseller list!!!!

He's been regularly under 100 in the amazon.ca rankings, often in the top 25 books

Life is very good for Mr Robert J Wiersema. And for his family therefore, as well.

His first official event is at Galiano Books, on Galiano Island Sept. 9, 2:30. Hosted by the lovely Lee Trentedue (sp?). We're super pumped. The next week he's off to places west of here for a week and a half, then home again before he hits the road on a madcap tour...

For anyone new to this stuff, or simply not 'in the know'....

This is NOT NORMAL for a first time author. Not the media, not the sales and certainly not the very quick rise to the bestseller list. This is much cause for celebration, because many first time Canadian authors would be happy for the sales he's already had - over their entire publication time of said first novel. Its remarkable and fabulous - a credit to his creativity and amazing writing skills, but also to his reputation in the book world and in the media world...the massive marketing machine is not to be sneezed at, for it gains him the chance to bring his book to a much larger audience than would happen if it were simply out and sitting on shelves.

Anyways...enough about Rob, since this is my blog and I deserve some attention too...especially since I'm the one behind the scenes cleaning and setting up new computer equipment for him to create on.

Not that I have much else to say. Fall is rapidly approaching and I am sad about this. I am a summer girl, always have been and I suspect I always shall be. That being said, fall is the new year for me and I have plans - weight loss and getting fit being a #1 priority. Clean house and keeping it that way another. Possibly moving into a less leaky and falling apart home high on the list too - and boy will I complain long and hard then! Not about the new home (I hope) but about the process of moving.

Not much else at the top of my brain right now. I guess I must get to it. Its not even so much cleaning right now (though that's part of it). Its shuffling all the stuff we own around (again) and trying to make it all fit into the same small space we had 8 years ago, despite the fact that we accumulate so much stuff every year, every month, that it becomes impossible to accommodate it all.

Here goes...

Something fun and disturbingly accurate....

So I don't normally do these online questionnaires that sort and categorize you, but every once in a while a fun one comes along. A friend posted her results on her blog and I thought I'd give it a try. The results were way too accurate for 10 silly questions that didn't seem very coherent even. But here you go - it was fun, and hey, I gained insight without even looking for it!

The Oracle 0% Extroversion, 100% Intuition, 27% Emotiveness, 90% Perceptiveness

Heuristic, detached, and analytical to a fualt, you are most like The Oracle. You are able to tackle any subject with a fine toothed comb, and you possess an ability to pinpoint nuances and shades of meaning that other people do not have and cannot understand. Accomplishment and realization of ideas are, for you, secondary to the rigorous exploration of ideas and questions -- you are, first and foremost, a theorist. You hate authority, convention, tradition, and under no circumstances do you accept a leadership role (although, you will gladly advise leadership when they're going astray, whether they want you to or not). Abstraction and generalities are your interests, details and particulars are usually inconsequential and uninteresting. You excel at language, mathematics and philosophy. You are typically easy-going and non-confrontational until someone violates one of the very few principles that you deem sacred, at which point you can fly into a rage. Although you possess a much greater understanding of process and systems than the people around you, you are always conscious of the possibility that you've missed something or made a mistake. You don't tend to become attached to particular theories, and will immediately discard mistaken notions once they're revealed to be incorrect (but you don't tolerate iconoclasts who try to discredit validated theories through the use of fallacies and bad data). Despite being outwardly humble, you probably think of yourself as being smarter than most other people. That's because you are. In fact, in your dealings with people your understanding of their motives is so expansive that you know what they're going to say before they say it, and in world affairs, you usually know what is going to take place before it actually does. This ability would make you unbeatable in debates if only you were a little less pensive about your own conclusions, and a little more outgoing. Famous people like you: Albert Einstein, Charles Darwin, Adam Smith, Thomas Jefferson, John McWhorter, Ramanujan, Marie Curie, Kurt Godel Stay clear of: Apollo, Icarus, Hermes, Aphrodite Seek out: Atlas, Prometheus, Daedalus

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: alt="free online dating" src="http://is2.okcupid.com/graphics/0.gif" border=0> http://www.okcupid.com/">%20alt="free%20online%20dating"%20src="http://is2.okcupid.com/graphics/0.gif"%20border=0> You scored higher than 99% on Extroversion alt="free online dating" src="http://is2.okcupid.com/graphics/0.gif" border=0> http://www.okcupid.com/">%20alt="free%20online%20dating"%20src="http://is2.okcupid.com/graphics/0.gif"%20border=0> You scored higher than 99% on Intuition alt="free online dating" src="http://is2.okcupid.com/graphics/0.gif" border=0> http://www.okcupid.com/">%20alt="free%20online%20dating"%20src="http://is2.okcupid.com/graphics/0.gif"%20border=0> You scored higher than 99% on Emotiveness alt="free online dating" src="http://is2.okcupid.com/graphics/0.gif" border=0> http://www.okcupid.com/">%20alt="free%20online%20dating"%20src="http://is2.okcupid.com/graphics/0.gif"%20border=0> You scored higher than 99% on Perceptiveness

Link: The Greek Mythology Personality Test written by Aleph_Nine on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

If I had a Pensieve, just like Dumbledore's....

...I might have a somewhat better idea of what's going on!

I guess its because life has just started to ramp up into full swing again...I feel a little like I'm going crazy, and a little like I'm on the verge of a panic attack. There are so many things to keep track of right now -

Tomorrow, for instance:

• Rob's launch party at Bolen Books
• keep track of his crazy schedule for the day - CFAX at 9:30, lunch with his editor at 1:00, dinner with family, editor and the lovely owner of the store he works at, plus the launch
• I need to keep his schedule in mind for the driving around I'll be needed to do, so I can then somehow plan my day to fit into it
• need to finish shopping for the launch
• remember to bring in the cheese and crackers from here - early in the day
• need to go back to work (ick! today was not great) and actually try to set up a space for kids in a room that has been turned into storage/a dumping ground (literally 12 square feet in the dead centre of the room was piled with boxes and bags that needed to be sorted...evidently by yours truly. That meant I couldn't get any of my stuff set up...)
• gotta figure out and if needed, iron clothes for us for tomorrow night
• clean pet cages and litterboxes, etc., plus garbage out for early Wed. morning - which means doing it Tuesday evening
• get us showered and presentable, including doing nails and brows and all that girlie stuff (possibly a trip to the pool if I can fit it in)
• do some schoolwork with Xander- he's on a self-imposed schedule to finish some leftover pages from the grade 2 math book before grade 2 officially begins, so he can start the grade 3 book on the very first day (his new goal is grade 3 and 4 math done before he finishes grade 2...at this rate he'll be doing grade 12 math in grade 6...I think we'll need a tutor!)
• packing for first thing Wednesday morning (Vancouver launch Wednesday night!) - a bit more laundry too

Anyways, there's more for tomorrow - meeting up with my parents, doing all sorts of little things at the launch to keep friends and family comfortable...

None of it is huge and I'll cope with it all...but in the olden days (pre-thyroid and unknown syndromes), I'd have been on top of it all, no panic attacks, no stress about forgetting something really important. Its the knowledge that I'm not in control any more that is the worst...I lose track of time constantly and even if I write things down, I'm at risk of trouble - for instance I have lost my daybook one ay after finding it...and I'm in dire need of it right now.

For the past year I've been using Outlook to organize myself...but its only helpful when I'm home to check it.

See - I just remembered that I have library books due tomorrow too - but that because its in Outlook and I was thinking about it.

Anyways, I don't mean to use this as a weeping and wailing and complaining sort of place. It's just hard when things all seem to happen at once like this. And I have no reliable long or short term memory.

What else? I had a killer craving for natchos - and not the semi-healthy salsa and grated cheese with veggies thrown in...no, the melted cheese sauce - just like they had at the Stardust Roller Rink when I was a kid. The greasy, oozing, gross stuff that makes the chips get soggy...so I melted some cheese whiz (tex-mex and regular, with a splash of milk) and poured it over the chips. Satisfied the craving but what a dumb thing to do. I feel very horrid right now. Yuck!!!

I'm really pleased with Xander's retention of school stuff over the summer. We weren't going to take a break, but since the summer was so full and busy, it kind of happened. He has some pages to go before he finishes the math book, as I said before, and I figured we'd have to relearn stuff, but his addition and subtraction facts are pretty solid, which is very cool. We did practice orally every once in a while, but he was really resistant to it, and it wasn't worth pushing it.

And his reading - still incredibly low, but he was reading road signs on our most recent trip - with some help of course, but successfully, and it really gave him a boost. He an remember a few words to spell suddenly as well - simple things like 'the', 'and', 'is', etc., but for him, that's actually huge. He spontaneously did journal today too - with me helping with some spelling. He;s maintained his printing, for the most part, though he still has trouble with some uppercase letters. Overall, I'm thrilled. There is definitely a maturity there and a readiness for the next level, which will make homeschooling good this year.

Ummmm...I think there was something else I wanted to say. Before I Wake went all the way up to 6th position on Amazon today and never went above 12, which is incredible and amazing...let's hope it keeps strong as more people read it and tell their friends! Rob's riding an incredible high right now, and rightfully so. Its amazing to see his hard work really pay off like this.

Time for bed, if I can turn my brain off....easier said than done and I still don't have a handle on tomorrow's timeline for when I'll things done...that's what I want my daybook for...

Wait!!! I believe I left it at the Montessori - won't help me now, but at least I know where it is...funny how that just floated to the cognizant portion of the brain and I was ready to fish it out...you never know what'll float up - you just have to be ready to act on it when it does!

Reinin' in the brain train

My head is way too full tonight. I have a plethora (I love that word!) of thoughts racing and chugging and sluggishly slithering through my head.

Xander could not fall asleep tonight. I finally was able to sing him to sleep 20 minutes ago. He's refused to have me sing to him, since it knocks him right out, but tonight he was so frustrated he asked, and hey - it worked! When he was born, I sang him to sleep from day one, and he's been inadvertently programmed to fall asleep to music...a bad thing at camp, where there's always music, and and worse at musical theatre and tap classes, where he starts to sing/dance and immediately begins to yawn...oops!

But it was a bit sad, too...the number one lullaby, always, from the very first, was Morningtown Ride. I sang it tonight and he said "I don't know that one"... I'm sure he must, somewhere, deep inside - we sing it at camp and I know I still sing it about once a month or so...but in his sleepiness, he didn't remember, and that made me a little blue. But being asked to sing, and being able to, balanced that out, since I miss that part of the bedtime routines and rituals.

I'm having a bit of a crisis, with him having turned 7 yesterday. In my mind, 7 is the beginning of big kid-dom. I fear the loss of innocence, of believing in magic and santa and tooth-fairies and all that. Of the advent of the type of independence that includes not holding my hand or collecting kisses and all that cuddly stuff. It won't go away right away - he's still mostly little, but I guess I know that it is coming, eventually, and that makes me sad. I get to trade that in for the fun of a 10 year old eventually, and I'm not being sarcastic or tongue in cheek at all - 10 to 12 year old boys rock. They're still a little innocent and sweet and looking to adults for approval, but have developed the coolest sense of humour and understanding too. Of course, now that I think about it, that's pretty much where Xander is now - he has that incredible understanding, humour and quickness of wit, and a vocabulary of a 17 year old (tested and true), so I already have that. But not the life experiences yet, which will come. Anyways, it's on my mind that my baby is growing up, and I don't know that we'll have another...years of trying (not crazy/wholeheartedly/gone to a doctor, but still...) and no luck., And there's my awful thyroid plus my un-diagnosed other weird symptoms...So I'm watching my babay grow up and I'm melancholy.

But I do get to hang with him every day, and enjoy it to very hilt, which I shall do. I'm trying to figure out our homeschool curriculum, and my brain is full up with that too.

I think we'll follow BC curriculum for science - it's very specific and well laid out. Plus our own extras when we're curious about stuff. I really want to get into using the proper scientific method this year. I asked him one day what his theory was about something or the other, and he said "Well, my hypothesis is..." in a lazy sort of drawl, like why wouldn't I use the right word, anyways?

Socials - a bit of the BC curriculum, but then added to. We want to study Ancient Greece in depth, and its normally done in grade 7, so we'll modify and adapt it. History, geography, mythology, art and architecture, science and philosophy. Since it's the basis of Western Civilization, we might as well start there now and build on it.
But then we'll add the stuff we need to about BC and Canadian geography and map work, a bit of First Nations stuff, though that's grade 4, so we need only touch on it. It should fly by.

We're also going to do a massive and intense unit study that will cross curriculums - we're going to create a country, probably with magical creatures and so on. We'll create the geography and maps, land forms and environmental stuff, a history and culture, transportation, a legal system and all that sort of stuff. Xander's completely pumped about it. We'll make a tourist brochure and do advertising, invent a currency, a governement, flag, anthem, shield of arms - the whole works. We can compare it to Canada, and to historial periods as well. It'll be creative writing, socials studies, english, art, and possibly some math as well. I thik it'll be fun. And maybe we can do a presentation at camp next year as well, which would be a riot.

Then math - he's doing grade 3 math and wants to do 2 years worth again, so grade 3 and 4 this year. I want to keep him in workbooks, though, so he doesn't get bogged down by the copying from a textbook yet, so I'm having a hard time finding workbooks that fit well. We'll figure it out. He can learn the copying when he gets into grade 3, which is when they're supposed to do it. With the dyslexia, it's hard enough as is, and he's so good at the math I don't want to frustrate him with the details.

Anyways, there's the reading which I still need to figure out. Reading and writing and all that jazz, which I'll write about another time. Plus cursive handwriting this year, and typing as well. Not much else with the computer yet - he's pretty darn good already. Though I may set him up a blog space too.

What else is on my brain? I'm determined this year to get in shape. Lose weight and get my energy and bounce back. So that's on my mind too. Planning how to be sensible about it, and make it a lifestyle thing, and not a deprivation. Setting goals and rewards and a simple plan I can easily follow when the fall and winter doldrums hit and I am wanting to backslide...maybe we need to plan a winter holiday to a place where I'd need to be in a swimsuit...

But I want it to be fun too, so am looking into bellydance and yoga classes, and planning on going out dancing regularly - when Rob's in town to be home with the boy of course. He's not a dancer, so it's not a punishment for him! I head out when he's getting tucked into bed, but am home by midnight, before the clubs get crazy. Just once a week, at an alternative club for 80's night, which draws a funky and harmless crowd. Not a meat amrket, and I can dance by myself and not get bothered, which is good. Its the best, most fun and releasing exercise for me.

What else - its been the Rob Show all weekend - grand reviews and interviews and profiles everywhere. He went from over 12,000 in the amazon.ca rankings to 1100 overnight from Friday to Saturday, and then today he hit 10th!!!!! They change hourly based on current sales and we don't know what actual sales are, but the ranking is very promising. He stayed at 10th for an hour but has been firmly in the 20's ever since...Fingers crossed that its going as well in the actual stores too. He has a huge advantage of working in the field and therefore being able to see the weekly sales report from the whole country - the one the booksellers get. Plus an inside scoop into the big chains through a friend. Its been incredibly exciting and uplifting for him, and we get to come along for the ride. First launch party is here on Tuesday! Then the next night in Vancouver. Busy week.

Speaking of - back to work tomorrow to get things set up. Kids back the following week. Not too keen on that aspect of my life, but it'll be fine once I'm back in the swing of things. I'm, sure. Really, truly...keep telling myself that, at least....I miss the kids and families and almost all of my crew from last year is back - of the 3 that aren't, 2 were my severe behaviour wild children, so the tone will be much different. Though I loved having them with me too - it let me keep my fingers in, as it were, with my kind of kids. But it'll be calmer and safer for my others. Its the non-kid stuff that has me stressed, since I don't do things the way the larger school does - I'm hands on, getting down and dirty and playing and cuddling and sitting on the floor and I let the parents in to hang with us, which is not okay. Problem is, I only hear about what I'm doing wrong from other staff, and the administraor has never approached me. But I know there's a lot of things she doesn't like. I've heard about them, and her proposed changes, but never from her. So I need to make an appointment to sit down and hash it ut and I'm dreading that. A lot.

Okay, my newest resolution is bed at midnight, which it is, so I'm offsky then (as the Nac Mac Feegles would say). Still have a couple of jobs to do, but once we're back in the swing of things, and my boys go to bed at their regular earlier hours, it'll be good. I need that sleep, but I love my night time solitude as well...I have to find a balance, and I'm working on it.

I'm sure there's more on the brain, but it fels good to get this much out!

So seven years ago...

...at this moment, I was in the hospital, having been induced into labour. Silly baby was overdue and I had lost a lot of amniotic fluid...

Little did I know what the next 15 hours would bring:

• some of the most comfotable moments of being in peace with my body
• the worst pain I've ever experienced
• the discovery that yes, a kidney stone being lodged is much worse than being in labour
• love surrounding me from friends and family as I battled with nurses who refused to believe that it was anything more than a weak woman unable to handle pain
• immense relief as a doctor came in and uttered some magic words: "You've had kidney stones before? She knows what she's talking about, get her some pain relief!"
• the discovery that an epidural, while incredibly painful, is a grand thing
• the joy and comfort of knowing that my husband, who hates hospitals beyond anything else in the world, was willing to brave the OR to hold my hand
• the wonder of a new baby, my, our new baby, being brought into the world
• the humour of him peeing on a nurse...should've know what we were in for right there...
• the massive indignities of not being able to hold our baby, while my husband and mother were busy lifting various and sundry numb parts of me so a nurse could brusquely wash me down
• the amazement in Rob's face as he held this tiny and precious part of us
• the miracle of being a mother...

Wow...its been a fabulous trip so far, and I can only hope it gets even better.

Auspiciously (is that a word?) enough, Rob received an amazing review in the Globe and Mail tonight...and yes, despite what he says, he did stay up late just so he could repeatedly hit the refresh button. Now if only the Vancouver Sun would get their review online, we could actually get to bed!

Tomorrow is just an immediate family celebration - just the 3 of us. Xander plans on taking advantage of the free meal at Denny's (completely and 100% his idea), and wants to go out for breakfast. We're going to pack a picnic and warm clothes and blankets and head out to Butchart Gardens for the fireworks - always worth seeing, though we missed last year. And doubly good, since you can't use an annual pass to go on a fireworks night (Saturdays only, all summer), but you can upgrade your admission to a pass once you're in, and the cost of the pass is slightly less than paying to go once on a fireworks night and once at Christmas, when its amazingly beautiful with fancy light displays...If we don't go in the summer and get a pass, we inevitably skip the winter stuff too, so it's a double treat - immediate and down the road.

Anyways, I need to get to bed, so I can be up to celebrate with m'boys.

What an amazing 7 years its been! Here's to many, many, many more, just as wonderful and fun!

Just a random whimsical observation....

I am astounded, even though I know the facts, by how much cats sleep!

I admit, I am a sleeping pro - show me a bed and I'm there, baby. But the cats...show them a flat surface...or a lumpy one, for that matter...hard, soft, ground level or just under the eaves....it's truly a sight to behold. The ability to flop, stretch out, curl up or otherwise arrange their regal selves and then, immediately, fall asleep is a wonder to behold.

This is a fallout of the cleaning. Not that they're sleeping more - I hardly think that's possible...mind you, once winter hits I do think maybe it is possible after all....But I've given them a plethora of new lounging locations and by golly, they're going to try out each and every one.

We have 3 indoor cats - 2 seniors and one baby. The "poor" dog, much bigger and rather terrified of and threatened by the felines in the house has yet to truly be able to enjoy the new-found chair and couch (yes, its true, you read it here first - I've uncovered half the couch!!!!). She climbs up, settles in and then the kitten comes stutting along, jumps up, freaks the MUCH BIGGER dog out, then proceeds to not only sleep where the dog was, but takes up the same amount of space...How is that possible? The dog is a fair sized border collie cross - knee height and long and solid. The kitten is about 9 months old and is still tiny...I suspect he may never grow much bigger than he is now (his name is Teapot and that's how big he is...). So how does he take up the same space? A question that may never be answered due to the varagies of quantum feline physics...



Okay I'm done my whimsical bit for now. I have a looong list of jobbies today and don't want to get started on any of them...I need to figure out exactly what Xander's birthday (tomorrow) will look like, finish shopping for it and get some wrapping done too. I need to drop off invites for the book launch party at the Montessori I work at, and find out when exactly I'm expected back at work as well. Plus maybe get some information on job expectations - this is stressing me out big time. I feel I'm doing a great job providing services to the families I work with, I've never had better feedback from any families before (mind you I've always done severe behaviour and those families are not apt to recognize work done, for a variety of reasons). My kids are happy and well cared for, I am very confident that I am doing a great job of meeting thier needs, which is of primary importance to me, but I keep hearing, only indirectly, which sucks, that I'm not doing much of any of it right from the administrtors point of view. Urg...I am not looking forward to returning to work, and am in fact looking into alternate employment as well...anyways...I need to see if I can sort a bit of that out today, or make an appointment to do it next week.
Gotta continue with the cleaning. Pull out Xander's work and start researching what we're supposed to be learning this year so I can get my butt in gear and make a lesson plan for the year to submit to our online teacher. Figure out what extracurricular classes he'll be doing and get him registered. Look into any classes I might want to take and figure out if it'll work, logistically. Do laundry. Figure out what to wear for not one, but two book launches next week, and organize family members and so on - meals before? Where? When? Who? Load all my mp3 files from camp and the singing workshop onto the computer, organize and relabel them and upload them for everyone else to access. Ditto for photos. I think that might be the easiest way to distribute them, except for actual prints.

Anyways...it doesn't seem like a ton, but it all requires brain space which I am sadly lacking. Best get to it...

But really, what I want to do is lay down somewhere and channel my inner cat...

deja vu - all over again!

So I have mostly recovered from my physio appointment. I see Ross McFayden, Yates Physio and Sports Med., and he is truly awesome. Turns out I respond really well to acupuncture, so that's what I end up having most of the time. This is still from a nasty, 100% no my fault MVA in Dec. 2004...I only just saw a specialist and had an MRI in June...So we do maintenance and so on. I end up with incredibly tight muscles,and acupuncture releases them. More specifically, plunging does. Which Xander finds hysterically funny, which makes me laugh in between the wails of pain. Today it gave me such an adrenelin response I was shaking and covered with very large goosebumps - "Hey, check out those goosebumps!" says Ross in his cheery voice. My eyes also leaked what must have been tears...sponateously and without warning, and not feeling like tears. Then I got incredibly light-headed and dizzy, which resulted in Ross jabbing an acupuncture needle right under my nose. Owwwwwww!!!! But it so completely works, too. The nausea and lightheadedness lift away. Anyways, with regular acupuncture, the needles are just poked in and let to sit and work their magic. I have to say I am a complete needle-phobe, but it works so well, and the needles are small and not usually very painful at all. Uncomfortable at times, yes, but not painful. With the plunger, though, the needles get screwed into this lovely little implement of torture that allows Ross to center them right where he wants, depress the skin (to get into the actual muscles and so on), and then...PLUNGE IT repeatedly into various areas that are tight. It works - it hurts like hell, but I can feel the muscles screaming their surrender as they suddenly pop free of the tightness. And then I feel really good. Today was just even more intense than normal, possibly becasue he did all along the side of my neck, behind my ear, which is really tender, then through my shoulder, upper chest AND back (traps). But I feel better now that I slept it off for many hours.

The heading refers to my being back at the cleaning. I plan on tackling a couple of large piles...I'm not sure where to put stuff while I do, though. I bought some new shelves for school supply type stuff, but I need to clear a place in the (weird) kitchen to put them, and don't think I'm in the mood for that tonight.

Here goes....

No thanks, Yoko, I like being the rinse cup...

Lily to Yoko on "Timothy Goes to School". Somehow that cracked me up and seemed like a good quote. I just wasn't able to use anything to stress the "like" properly:

No thanks, Yoko. I like being the rinse cup!


After some seriously painful but ever-so-effective acupuncture "plunging", which I'll explain at some later point, i am nauseous, have a headache, and as my physiotherapist calls it, "completely knackered". I am off to lay down for a wee bit whilst my child is plugged into a cool story (that's most likely waaay too old for him) whilst he plays lego. Just for a wee bit until Rob gets home...

I surrender! I surrender!

Well, bowing to the inevitable, I needs must call it quits for the night. Garbage day tomorrow (well, really, today...) and so I'll pull together what I've managed to declutter that isn't recycling, quickly clean out the fridge and do the pet cages, then I'm calling it a night. I have much to do still, but one corner is done. Completely and absolutely...except for the laundry basket and recycle bins taking up the cleaned space, but that's just temporary so no one trips over them at 4:00 am. So I figure I have another half hour of work to go, and then I'm tucking in! The rest will be there tomorrow, and the next day...but then on Saturday, no cleaning! On Saturday, August 26, Xander turns 7 (which terrifies me - 7 is big kid territory). We'll celebrate with gifts, and balloons...okay I must diverge for a second because he said something sad to me today...

Last year he was adamant that we decorate with balloons and streamers. He's really big on creating traditions, which is cool, and I check in with him. So I asked him today if he wanted to help me decorate, or just wake up and have it already done. He says, and I have to paraphrase, because my heart was breaking just a wee bit as he said this. "Just balloons, mom. I think you get to an age where you're too old for ribbons, and maybe that's the age I'm at." The thing is, he was sad about that, but still felt he was maybe too old. I told him people are never too old for streamers, and he said that maybe when you get older, you can like little kid things again. That child is old beyond his years! I said he can balloon shop with me, and if he wanted to change his mind, that was okay too, and that we could buy some ribbons (streamers), just in case. He was doubtful, but said he'd come with me. I may just surprise him with a lavish display anyhow...I'll feel him out tomorrow.

Anyways, we don't celebrate the kid party until Hallowe'en, when we have a Hallowe'en party, which is great fun. But he doesn't have a ton of friends who he's invite to a party - not because of the homeschooling, but because he has a hard time relating to kids his own age. He's never been interested in their games, and doesn't do the playground leader/follower thing - he just goes and does his own thing instead. He's much happier with older kids, but they're not friends in the same way. That's a problem we'll deal with in October.

On Saturday, we've tentative plans to head out to Butchart Gardens for the fireworks, which will be good. A picnic, and I'll find some way to bring birthday cupcakes or something. And he wants a family celebration (on another day) that includes "Deb-Deb", one of my closest friends, and my parents - Omi and Opa to him. He wants to go both bowling (laser) and play mini-golf and I said we could make that work. Plus out for dinner. He is quite the mastermind of his own destiny!

And then we have not one, but 2 launch parties and all the requisite wining and dining here and in Vancouver as well. This shall be a very social week, methinks! Plus all of Rob's media shall hit this weekend, so I must get my scissors and tape recorders prepped! Busy, busy!!!!!

So cleaning first, then planning Xander's birthday, cutting reviews and articles and taping interviews and then getting organized for the launches and all the fun that will come of that.

Yep - time to get the garbage out and tuck into bed! Tomorrow I shall henna my hair in a vain (hah!) attempt to be ready for the space next to the spotlight. Now if only I could get trim and fit in 5 days....

And I just realized that I was going to start going out dancing Wednesdays...hard to establish habits with a memory like mine. I missed choir last week for the same reason! But had fun at choir last night - thanks to Rob who reminded me!!!!

Tangents'R'Us, always open and ready for dizzying changes in topics!

Cleared off one whole chair!

Which is wayyy more impressive than it sounds. Its a big, comfy armchair right in the doorway, which makes it a prime dumping ground for anything people are carrying as they come in - mail and newspapers, books, notebooks, laundry, coats, toys...all sorts of crapola. Not only did I clear it of, but...this is BIG...drumroll please....

I put everything away where it belongs!!!!!

Huzzah huzzah, hurray for me! And the floor immediately around the chair too. Now I'm off to clean the table in front of the chair, though I did the shelves beside it somewhat already - there's stuff that needs time to sort through, so I piled it neatly, rather than getting lost in papers. Of course I'm on the computer again, which means I'm not doing much of anything....

Total and complete subject change:

I bought a fantabulous amount of wool today at Walmart, all on sale (though some still $5.00 skein). I have lovely projects in mind and won't allow myself to begin them until a) my current project is done and b) the cleaning is under control.

Another topic...my brain is nutso right now - could be the coke I just mainlined...cleaning fuel, don't'cha know!
We've begun our schoolwork already, Xander and I, to get him back in the swing of things slowly. 2 jobs a day this week, and I'll up it next week a bit and then we're hitting it head on. There's battles, and I'm not sure how this will go. I'm trying to come up with some strategies to help him be more motivated, internally, and to circumvent the arguments, because as those who know him must have already realized, he is the penultimate lawyer in a pint sized body.

I'm sure there will be both brainstorming and venting occurring on these pages in the next while.

On another note, I'm trying to get organized and upload my recordings from both NWTC and my Hollyhock workshop so my fellow attendees can download and enjoy them too. Hopefully by the end of the month it'll be all done!

Off to clean more - I made a big dinner and did a ton of dishes too, plus the shopping trip and cleaning, so my day has already been pretty darn successful! Lets see how I can improve upon it...

This is me - procrastinating again!

So its a lovely sunny day, but very windy and cooold...for summer, that is. Not even shorts weather, as I just discovered on a quick jaunt out to the local hardware store (literally at the end of the block - how handy is that?). So the weather is sucky, which is probably good for my purposes, because I am seriously avoiding the huge mess that is my study...which also doubles as a second living room. All summer I've been dumping bins and boxes and piles of crap in there - stuff I shoud've sorted out in June, things that are currently homeless in our too-tiny house, books without shelves, out of season clothes that were meant to go into storage - clearly I can just unpack those right now! Al the little bits of detritus from each and every trip I made this summer, which, if you read the previous post, you will note is a lot of trips. If it weren't so darn embarrassing, I'd post a picture...

So now I'm home and almost in a mindset to clean. I have this hateful relationship towards cleaning. I am a slob, and so are R and X. There's no other way to put it. Introduce 10 - 20 new books a week, plus a gadzillion magazines and newspapers, a dog, 3 cats (all indoor), a rabbit and a mouse. In a 1912 house that was falling apart when we got it, with all the inherent dust and mould and crumbling bits...It gets to be a disaster. And I do try to keep on top of it, but I never seem to get there. So every 4 - 6 weeks I go manic and begin a massive clean and de-clutter. I have to be in the right mindset, and I can't force it, or it becomes worse - I just move things around randomly. I need to pick teeny sections and completely clean them and move on to the next. I'm almost proud to say that the kitchen has been at about 80% decluttered all summer, likewise for our family room - main living space containing tv, computer, toys, elliptical and most anything else we do day to day. Except I haven't been able to tame the toys. Xander's room has fallen to severe mould (yes, we're moving eventually but that's another story). So he's in our room and his toys are...everywhere.

I digress. I'm almost ready to clean that huge cesspit of a room, but have not quite got there. It'll probably involve a couple of almost all-nighters, as I am definitely more productive at night.

Okay - I go to survey the situation. Maybe next time I write, I'll have conquered a corner or 2!

Crazy busy-ness!

Home yet again! How many times have I been gone this summer? Kelowna for BC Book Fair, Seattle/Mt Vernon/Bellingham for camp, camping in Parksville, Cortes Island/Hollyhock, Agassiz/Vancouver/Bellingham/Glacier this weekend. Then Vancouver next week again. Plus a day up-Island to Youbou in there...

But I love the summer, and all the travel that comes with it...Maybe its not working(though that has drained the family coffers mightily...). Or just the freedom of being in other places. I love being elsewhere. Hotels and camp grounds, restaurants...all those things so many people can't stand. I like the adventure of it, the fun with friends I don't see often enough, the time with family away from the day to day grind of regular life. I'm more relaxed, even when I'm stressing about new situations and the shyness factor. And I'm more confidant at the same time, somehow. I'm able to be bold and daring and it's less of a risk because its often with people I don't know and will never see again. Its hard to explain. But I get a rush from it, from having to navigate, literally and figuratively, new places and events, and being successful at it.

So we had a very full weekend, me in particular. As is very oftenthe case I procrastinated on the packing and had 3 hours of sleep before we headed out to the ferry, to catch the 7:00 am. Morning is not a prime time for me, but I made it! We caught the ferry and drove right into Vancouver, where Rob had some book stuff to do, at Chapters and with his editor at the Vancouver Sun. He got to be on the receiving end of an interview this time. We went to the German Consulate to get Xander his German passport (and therefore, dual citizenship!) The bureaucracy there needs to be seen to be believed. They close at noon, and are only open Monday through Friday. So the window of opportunity is small and there are many hoops to jump through. My brother and I went through the same process last year, so I'm not new to it...The first person was pretty okay, and not at all snooty that I didn't speak German. I needed to make a declaration because Xander has Rob's last name, and there was some intense grilling from the lady at that window, since we didn't speak the language. She left us for a lengthy while to type up some form, and Rob had to leave (to return at 11:45, just before they closed.) She never came back and I realized that we wouldn't have time to get the photos, which have specific requirements for German passports, different from Canada (which at least I knew), before the office closed. So I tried to find her, and finally spoke to the receptionist, who indicated, I believe, that it was fine. We arrived back and were roundly and firmly and rudely lectured about opening a file and leaving, and every time I tried to explain about not having the opportunity to make it during their short hours, or Rob's need to leave, or her disappearance, I was scolded again, so I did my best Canadian impression and apologized for everything. I got the paper we needed to sign, all in German with no offer to translate, and figured out everything, including a correction, which, when I pointed it out, caused all sorts of muttering again (this is typical of experiences there...). then she disappeared and Rob arrived, and she kept us waiting until right before noon. I was really positive that she was going to delay until they closed, and all they needed was our signatures. But she returned at the last minute and its all done, from our end. Iit needs to get sent to Berlin to be processed and we have to go back to pick it up eventually, but its done, its good for 10 years and Xander will always be able to renew it without all the hassle. And should we ever have other kids, the paperwork won't need to be done again. Hurray!

So to you lovely Americans who keep putting off getting your passport because of the hassle and so on, which will eventually (but not yet!) hinder your crossing the border (and visiting us!) - if we can do it, so can you! Those who've done all the hoop-jumping, kindly disregard this last bit!


I had a very eventful and full weekend, but needs must head to bed, I guess, so will try to carve out some other time to get to it. The boy (small sized) claims the computer for large chunks of the time we're home, and the other boy (full sized) claims it in the evenings, so after bedtime is my time.

Let's just give quick highlights to be fleshed out later:

• visit and lovely dinner at great-gram's, much lauding of the new author
• loooong drive to Bellingham to meet with assorted camp buddies and dance to the rocking sounds of Spaceband (go Aeden!!!) at Fairhaven Pub. They, who live near-by, bailed early, and I, with another 1 1/2 hour drive awaiting me, dance to the end. And I got a cool t-shirt as well!
• Slept in while the boy hung with 2 young cousins, hung out with them, back to gram's for fresh out of the oven buns and another nice visit, photos in trees and corn fields
• Another drive, with youngster in tow, to Glacier for a back-to-school gathering of campers, complete with walk to (or in for Xander and Gwen) the river, wonderful barbecue and amazing food, singing around a campfire and then Mallard's for desert, plus another looong drive back to gramma's
• Mellow morning then a rush to the ferries upon learning of 2 sailing waits and reservations completely booked. Arrived at 2:10 and made it onto the 5:00 boat. Cleaned out the van and made a nice nest in the back to hang out in with Xander
• Home, fell asleep with Xander (go figure!), slept in a bit with him and then spent a good portion of today driving around and delivering invites to Rob's launch (plus a lovely lunch out at OSF, visiting, with almost everyone

Okay, I'm wanted elsewhere, so am off to bed. I'll flesh in the details tomorrow!

Once again, up late with a full day on the morrow...

And procrastinating madly, which I excel at. I'm supposed to be packing, which won't be as hard as all that, since I didn't completely unpack from my arrival home 5 nights ago. And with the next couple of months full of trips away, I think I'll make up a permanent travel bag for toiletries and the like...

Share (crazy, wild, amazing dog) is away at her doggie dude ranch, since we'll be on the ferry when it opens in the morning. I really miss having her here. I hate the nights when she's there and we're still home, even though I know she's having great fun with all her fellow doggie pals. I should drop names here, because the place is so amazing. Pet Pampering, where the dogs all get to run together in a couple of huge yards with toys and massive mounds of sawdust to get dirty in. They're crated at night and meal times and the rest of the time they get to play, play play. Love it and love how caring and friendly all the staff are.

Anyways, went dancing last night, with my best buddy and a couple of her (much younger) work-mates. They drank a lot, except for one who was the driver. And flirted and were downright raunchy, which is not my thing at all. So I kept to the dance floor and danced all on my own and had a blast, and they came and went. I had a blast. I think I need to get out and go dancing more often. This place is a pretty harmless crowd, and on 80's night - every Wednesday, its a goofy crowd, all dressed in their 80's gear (and no, I didn't...this time. In the past I have, though!). Anyways, I think I might go down every once in a while, earlier - we didn't get their until 11:30 which is when it gets crowded and the alcohol kicks in and people get stupid. Go early, like at 10:00 and dance until11:30 or so and then leave. On my own, if I need to, for the fun and fitness factor. I don't need to be social to dance and feel almost better dancing on my own - I can close my eyes and just have fun, rather than having to any attention to whomever I'm with. Especially if they're drinking and I'm the only sober one, which happens often. Not sure how I feel about it, and what Rob will think, but its my favorite way to exercise and de-stress, in my best hours of the day...something to think about, at the very least! And if I go early enough there won't even be a cover charge, and I have at most a water or OJ and 7-Up.

Anyways, gotta go pack. Tomorrow shall be a very very long day. Culminating in more dancing and fun in Bellingham with camp people, so I think it'll be good...though there is a 1 1/2 hour drive after that. I'm packing blankets in the back of the van - worst comes to worst, I'll sleep in the van for a bit, but I should have a good energy spike from the dancing to get me most of the way home, and music in the car for after that. But now I need to fold one load of laundry, pack my clothes (what am I going to wear tomorrow night!!!???????!!!!!), clean the bunny cage and do dishes. And I need to be up at 5:00. Yikes!!! Off I go!

Goin' dancin'...

So I realize that the last entry was doom and gloom. I get into funks, and that was one of them. Its really not as bad as that, but at times it feels like it, just like it does for anyone else. And what's a blog for if not for putting it ALL out there, good and bad?

Nice day...swim date with a friend and her kids (or one of Xander's friends and his mom and sister, depending on your point of view). Hung out, had a big, bad roast chicken with loads of gravy dinner, and had a lovely call from a fabulous and amazing camp friend. It's her birthday, I was going to call her - long distance and across the border, but she called because calling me "was her birthday treat to herself". How lovely and heartwarming is that? AND she's getting a different phone plan that includes Canada so she can call me. Good friends don't have to be in the neighborhood, or the same town, province, or even the same country. It's just lovely, that's what it is.

And now I'm off dancing with my best bud and a couple of young gals she works with for an hour or two. 80's night at a local, very casual club, and we'll dance until it gets busy and then leave. It'll be good. And in 2 nights I get to go out again, in Bellingham this time, to see a friend's band - Spaceband (google them and see what you can find, or look on myspace.com!)

And that's about that!
Lovely.

A quick thought...

Maybe the rest of the year would go better if I were in a different home. One not so dark and falling apart and gloomy...Something with space and light, bright colours and an open feel. The plans are in the works, but we keep needing to put them off, and this place is not a good space to be in. While I love all the books, and they offer a cosy feel, there is a place for openess and clean lines. And the leaks and drips and stress of this house make the rainy months harder to bear.

Maybe we'll be in a position to look at renting somewhere brighter and bigger, until we can set the building plans in motion...No pressure to Rob, but if book sales are good, it would be worth exploring.

Just pondering how to make my other 3 seasons feel better.

There's a chill in the air...

And things are changing.

I'm a Summer girl. Capital 'S', you read that right. Summer. I manage fall, come alive mid-spring, but really, summer is where I'm all that I can be. And tonight, this evening, actually, there was a decided chill in the air. More than just a summer breeze off the ocean. A taste of fall coming sooner than I'd like.

Yes, I know that summer lasts well into fall here, or at least comes and goes. But not true Summer, of hot, lazy days and warm relaxed nights. Of kicking around barefoot - flip flops at the most, in swinging skirts and tank tops, splashing in oceans and lakes, sunset after bedtime, sunrise early in the morning. Meteor showers, birthdays (mine and Xander's), no school, less structure to my days...I have a joy in the summers that doesn't return until the next year. And in the deepest, darkest days of winter, I have the hardest time remembering what summer even feels like.

So while I'm busy trying to pack the final weeks of summer full of fun and activities, trying to capitalize on the natural high and boundless energy and enthusiasm for such things as getting in shape and losing weight, cleaning house and mind, I know that the days are numbered and am saddened by the thought. Here goes...it's a lousy trade-off, 3 months of this high for 9 months of increasing sadness and stress. I'm always hopeful that this will be the year that things will be different, this year I'll have energy, feel better, etc. Not that I'm completely down, or my whole fall, winter and spring suck. But it becomes increasingly hard as the year progresses to be motivated, to have energy or drive, to get the things done that I need to do. I don't know if living in warmer climes, where they don't get the seasonal blues, would make a difference. Sometimes I think I'd like to give it a try. But south of here means leaving Canada, most likely for the States, and that's not something I'm prepared to do right now.

Anyways, let's leave that behind, because I still have a few weeks left!

I wanted to say that, on the journey home from Hollyhock, I had a fabulous conversation with another lady from my workshop. We sat on the ferry and just talked, which neither of us had done while there. I wish we had, because it turns out she was as lonely as I was, and was getting exactly the same vibes that I did...the guarded feelings from others, the lack of safety to completely be herself...all the things I've written about. It was really good to have that talk, and important too. It was what I needed for closure on those 5 days, which were not at all what I had expected, and certainly not what I had anticipated and hoped for. I am eternally grateful for that time and opportunity to really connect, even if it was on the way home.

Our schedule had completely gone crazy, as I said the other day, and its a bit scary to contemplate. We are at a huge turning point in our lives and they will never, ever be the same as they are right now. Soon Rob will begin touring, and the publicity will hit and from there...who knows what will happen. I hope we weather all the transitions this will bring. We'll have to take it all one day at a time...I'm excited and a bit trepadatious. I can't imagine what Rob must be going through.

Nothing witty to add at this point, just loads on my mind, as always. Maybe its a good thing I have no short term memory...I forget my worries regularly - not all of them, but enough!

Home again, home again...

Well, it’s good to be home. We celebrated my birthday a couple of weeks late tonight with cake and presents – it’s been crazily busy, so we postponed it.

My brain is completely and absolutely full to the brim, so I’m going to just try to dump it all here – there will be no order and possibly not much of interest to anyone other than myself…but you never know!

Yesterday was the last day at Hollyhock and the long trip home. The pancake breakfast, much touted and advertised, was, frankly, a disappointment. I completely understand the vegetarian stance, and even the no-wheat, no-dairy, for the most part. But wheat and dairy free pancakes are incredibly heavy and, well…the complete opposite of all that pancakes should be. Fresh blackberries and organic maple syrup can’t disguise that. It was the same with the spelt cream puffs, which were less than puffy. But that’s okay…I wasn’t impressed with the food, but I am notoriously picky. I shan’t mention it again (I don’t think…)

The morning session was good – we went through almost all the songs we’d sung straight through. I recorded it all and need to find a place to upload the mp3 files – something free and easy to use. Then the other workshop members can get the songs as well. We went for a walk and sang around this beautiful pond, and then another lady and I lost the group and missed the final closure, so we and 2 others had our own song in the middle of the path. I loaded up the van, collected my 2 passengers and was bound and determined to catch the early ferry, so we planned to leave before lunch. Then I remembered that I never got my clothing back from the girl who tipped in the kayak the night before, so ran around like crazy trying to find her. Finally did, and we rushed out, and got in line – it looked like we might or might not make it. The ferries only leave Cortes every 2 hours and I didn’t want to have to wait for the 3:50 sailing. Thankfully we made it on, and then drove across Quadra Island (only 15 minutes), and caught that ferry too. Then a four hour drive had me arriving home at 8:30 pm…having left at 12:30! Yikes. I had 2 lovely passengers – one was the lovely lady I drove up with last week. We dropped her off near Nanaimo. The second is a fellow choir member, who I didn’t know at all before this week. We had a lovely visit all the way down to Victoria. It was so nice to be back home, but disconcerting too – jarring in the reminder that I’m back in the ‘real’ world!

What else – lazy day today. We took one of our elderly cats to the vet for routine bloodwork – he’s hyperthyroid. Pricey! $150 later, we came home…but he’s 16 and one of the family, so we do what we must.

I’ve just realized that I need to start really looking at the fall…classes for Xander, my work schedules for both jobs, Rob’s tour schedule and event schedule, things I’d like to do…My life is about to ramp up drastically again, and with Rob out of town so much, and book events we can go to off Island as well as here, it’ll be busy. I really want to make sure that there is time for me this year…I’m definitely going to choir, even if it means bringing Xander with me some nights. I’d also like to take yoga and belly dance, but suspect that it’ll be one or the other for the fall at least. And then there’s making time for walking the dog, and hopefully doing some aerobics or something. And going out dancing again more, since I’ve been reminded that I love it. And part of me cringes at the thought of being greedy enough to do so much for me, but the fact is, the more I take care of myself, the better off everyone lese will be too. And I need to think about Xander’s lesson plans and what homeschooling will look like this year. We need to tackle the reading full on, but also need to explore science and socials more formally, and introduce handwriting this year. That’s a lot – I always knew that grade 2 was a big year, and now we need to work hard to make it work! Plus planning his extracurricular activities…

What else is on my mind? There’s a camp gathering of Whatcom County (and area) people this weekend, and SpaceBand is playing in Fairhaven and I really want to go. We’re trying to figure out how to make it work. Rob has to be in Vancouver on Friday anyways, for a book thing at Chapters, and the ferry is paid for. We’ll be doing those ferries a lot…this Friday, then the 30th for his launch, then the next weekend to Galliano, to a good friend’s store – Lee Trentedu’s Galliano Books. Then the next weekend he’s gone for a week to Toronto…Anyways, I’m steaming off topic…this weekend…how to make it work, allowing me to spend time there, but still have family time in Agassiz as well…I think we may have hit upon a solution that will have me on the road a lot, but should work out…Its been taking a lot of head space to figure out and I think that it’ll only get crazier from here on out.

I think that’s all I’ll say tonight. I know there’s way more, but I need to get to bed earlier. That, eating healthier and getting fit are huge goals for me starting now. September has always been the ‘new year’ for me – and indeed, for many people who work in the school system. That’s when the year starts, plain and simple. Its crazy to think that summer is almost over, and for a lot of camp friends, already done. My Phoenix pals went to work with bums in seats today…how weird is that? But in 3 weeks I’ll be in the same position. I’m working hard at not panicking, but I have to admit that the anxiety is beginning to build…I need to do some stuff to clear my brain, and my physical living space too. And get my health a bit back on track. Curious that, having spent 5 days relaxing, over the past 2 weeks, all the numbness that I’d been experiencing which had faded a bit has returned, even more severe. That’s scary and I’m trying not to think about it…is it heat and sun, as I’ve been out more? MS is triggered by sunlight, and that scares me…I’m not going to worry tonight. I’m going to go and do dishes and read a bit and try to get a good night’s sleep. Wish me well!

Glowing waters and meteor showers...

So I went for a kayak trip tonight, to see the bioluminescence...glowing plankton. Wow! It was incredibly cool to be padling in dark, with each stroke of the paddle creating little glowing swirls of light. And, as an added bonus, it was the meteeor showers too, though I didn't see as many shooting stars as I'd liked. We had an excellent naturalist with us, and a fablous guide as well, which was incredibly great when one lady tipped her kayak and needed rescue. The guides were amazing, and swung immediately into action and she was back in her boat in minutes.

Its late, I'm tired and I have a lot to do to pack and take down the tent in the morning before my last workshop session and the 2 ferries and looong drvie home.

Wonderings

Well, it's my 4th day at Hollyhock, and I'm settled in. I'll write more from home about some of my experiences as I process them. The music and singing have been lovely. Lots of 4 part harmonies that resonate and sound marvelous in the beautiful space we sing in. We've also been outside singing to the sea and the gardens. Last night we had an open sing where a lot of the community came and joined us too.

This all feels superficial to write. It has not been at all the level of intimacy or closeness that I expected... I assumed something not like camp but closer to it than everyday life, but this is really like any other workshop, in a beautiful setting. Its supposed to be very holistic and open and all that jazz, but people are all guarded and reserved, even after so many days. They don't make eye contact on paths, or often say good morning or hello - I know because I always do, in my most chipper, friendly, outgoing version of myself, which is hard to be, and I get responses less than 50% of the time, easily.And no one says good night. They just wander off. I actually called home late one night with incredibly poor cell phone reception just so I had someone to say good night to. The night before I said goodnight in my tent to all my loved ones all on my own. Which I realize sounds horribly pathetic, but its a tradition and ritual I've always known and I miss it when its not there. I like my contact with people.
Those of you who know how tactile I am will understand how its just killing me not to feel I can even pat someone on the shoulder as I pass them on my way to a table.
So I have lots of wonderings about the causes of this and am doing lots of exploring in my journal, so I am sure that I'll eventually explore them more here.

Tonight I'm going on a bioluminescent kayak, out under the sunset, then into dark, to play with the plankton that glows at night. I'm incredibly excited - I could do similar at home, but there are absolutely no city lights for miles and miles, to detract from the glow. AND I just found out it's the meteor showers as well, so I'll have a double treat. I am incredibly pumped about it.
And then tomorrow, after an apparently amazing organic pancake breakfast, and one more singing session, I pack up and head back home to my house and my boys and my pets and all that is good in my life with a better appreciation for them!
Singing session for the morning starts in 10 minutes, so I'm off!