If I had a Pensieve, just like Dumbledore's....

...I might have a somewhat better idea of what's going on!

I guess its because life has just started to ramp up into full swing again...I feel a little like I'm going crazy, and a little like I'm on the verge of a panic attack. There are so many things to keep track of right now -

Tomorrow, for instance:

• Rob's launch party at Bolen Books
• keep track of his crazy schedule for the day - CFAX at 9:30, lunch with his editor at 1:00, dinner with family, editor and the lovely owner of the store he works at, plus the launch
• I need to keep his schedule in mind for the driving around I'll be needed to do, so I can then somehow plan my day to fit into it
• need to finish shopping for the launch
• remember to bring in the cheese and crackers from here - early in the day
• need to go back to work (ick! today was not great) and actually try to set up a space for kids in a room that has been turned into storage/a dumping ground (literally 12 square feet in the dead centre of the room was piled with boxes and bags that needed to be sorted...evidently by yours truly. That meant I couldn't get any of my stuff set up...)
• gotta figure out and if needed, iron clothes for us for tomorrow night
• clean pet cages and litterboxes, etc., plus garbage out for early Wed. morning - which means doing it Tuesday evening
• get us showered and presentable, including doing nails and brows and all that girlie stuff (possibly a trip to the pool if I can fit it in)
• do some schoolwork with Xander- he's on a self-imposed schedule to finish some leftover pages from the grade 2 math book before grade 2 officially begins, so he can start the grade 3 book on the very first day (his new goal is grade 3 and 4 math done before he finishes grade 2...at this rate he'll be doing grade 12 math in grade 6...I think we'll need a tutor!)
• packing for first thing Wednesday morning (Vancouver launch Wednesday night!) - a bit more laundry too

Anyways, there's more for tomorrow - meeting up with my parents, doing all sorts of little things at the launch to keep friends and family comfortable...

None of it is huge and I'll cope with it all...but in the olden days (pre-thyroid and unknown syndromes), I'd have been on top of it all, no panic attacks, no stress about forgetting something really important. Its the knowledge that I'm not in control any more that is the worst...I lose track of time constantly and even if I write things down, I'm at risk of trouble - for instance I have lost my daybook one ay after finding it...and I'm in dire need of it right now.

For the past year I've been using Outlook to organize myself...but its only helpful when I'm home to check it.

See - I just remembered that I have library books due tomorrow too - but that because its in Outlook and I was thinking about it.

Anyways, I don't mean to use this as a weeping and wailing and complaining sort of place. It's just hard when things all seem to happen at once like this. And I have no reliable long or short term memory.

What else? I had a killer craving for natchos - and not the semi-healthy salsa and grated cheese with veggies thrown in...no, the melted cheese sauce - just like they had at the Stardust Roller Rink when I was a kid. The greasy, oozing, gross stuff that makes the chips get soggy...so I melted some cheese whiz (tex-mex and regular, with a splash of milk) and poured it over the chips. Satisfied the craving but what a dumb thing to do. I feel very horrid right now. Yuck!!!

I'm really pleased with Xander's retention of school stuff over the summer. We weren't going to take a break, but since the summer was so full and busy, it kind of happened. He has some pages to go before he finishes the math book, as I said before, and I figured we'd have to relearn stuff, but his addition and subtraction facts are pretty solid, which is very cool. We did practice orally every once in a while, but he was really resistant to it, and it wasn't worth pushing it.

And his reading - still incredibly low, but he was reading road signs on our most recent trip - with some help of course, but successfully, and it really gave him a boost. He an remember a few words to spell suddenly as well - simple things like 'the', 'and', 'is', etc., but for him, that's actually huge. He spontaneously did journal today too - with me helping with some spelling. He;s maintained his printing, for the most part, though he still has trouble with some uppercase letters. Overall, I'm thrilled. There is definitely a maturity there and a readiness for the next level, which will make homeschooling good this year.

Ummmm...I think there was something else I wanted to say. Before I Wake went all the way up to 6th position on Amazon today and never went above 12, which is incredible and amazing...let's hope it keeps strong as more people read it and tell their friends! Rob's riding an incredible high right now, and rightfully so. Its amazing to see his hard work really pay off like this.

Time for bed, if I can turn my brain off....easier said than done and I still don't have a handle on tomorrow's timeline for when I'll things done...that's what I want my daybook for...

Wait!!! I believe I left it at the Montessori - won't help me now, but at least I know where it is...funny how that just floated to the cognizant portion of the brain and I was ready to fish it out...you never know what'll float up - you just have to be ready to act on it when it does!

Reinin' in the brain train

My head is way too full tonight. I have a plethora (I love that word!) of thoughts racing and chugging and sluggishly slithering through my head.

Xander could not fall asleep tonight. I finally was able to sing him to sleep 20 minutes ago. He's refused to have me sing to him, since it knocks him right out, but tonight he was so frustrated he asked, and hey - it worked! When he was born, I sang him to sleep from day one, and he's been inadvertently programmed to fall asleep to music...a bad thing at camp, where there's always music, and and worse at musical theatre and tap classes, where he starts to sing/dance and immediately begins to yawn...oops!

But it was a bit sad, too...the number one lullaby, always, from the very first, was Morningtown Ride. I sang it tonight and he said "I don't know that one"... I'm sure he must, somewhere, deep inside - we sing it at camp and I know I still sing it about once a month or so...but in his sleepiness, he didn't remember, and that made me a little blue. But being asked to sing, and being able to, balanced that out, since I miss that part of the bedtime routines and rituals.

I'm having a bit of a crisis, with him having turned 7 yesterday. In my mind, 7 is the beginning of big kid-dom. I fear the loss of innocence, of believing in magic and santa and tooth-fairies and all that. Of the advent of the type of independence that includes not holding my hand or collecting kisses and all that cuddly stuff. It won't go away right away - he's still mostly little, but I guess I know that it is coming, eventually, and that makes me sad. I get to trade that in for the fun of a 10 year old eventually, and I'm not being sarcastic or tongue in cheek at all - 10 to 12 year old boys rock. They're still a little innocent and sweet and looking to adults for approval, but have developed the coolest sense of humour and understanding too. Of course, now that I think about it, that's pretty much where Xander is now - he has that incredible understanding, humour and quickness of wit, and a vocabulary of a 17 year old (tested and true), so I already have that. But not the life experiences yet, which will come. Anyways, it's on my mind that my baby is growing up, and I don't know that we'll have another...years of trying (not crazy/wholeheartedly/gone to a doctor, but still...) and no luck., And there's my awful thyroid plus my un-diagnosed other weird symptoms...So I'm watching my babay grow up and I'm melancholy.

But I do get to hang with him every day, and enjoy it to very hilt, which I shall do. I'm trying to figure out our homeschool curriculum, and my brain is full up with that too.

I think we'll follow BC curriculum for science - it's very specific and well laid out. Plus our own extras when we're curious about stuff. I really want to get into using the proper scientific method this year. I asked him one day what his theory was about something or the other, and he said "Well, my hypothesis is..." in a lazy sort of drawl, like why wouldn't I use the right word, anyways?

Socials - a bit of the BC curriculum, but then added to. We want to study Ancient Greece in depth, and its normally done in grade 7, so we'll modify and adapt it. History, geography, mythology, art and architecture, science and philosophy. Since it's the basis of Western Civilization, we might as well start there now and build on it.
But then we'll add the stuff we need to about BC and Canadian geography and map work, a bit of First Nations stuff, though that's grade 4, so we need only touch on it. It should fly by.

We're also going to do a massive and intense unit study that will cross curriculums - we're going to create a country, probably with magical creatures and so on. We'll create the geography and maps, land forms and environmental stuff, a history and culture, transportation, a legal system and all that sort of stuff. Xander's completely pumped about it. We'll make a tourist brochure and do advertising, invent a currency, a governement, flag, anthem, shield of arms - the whole works. We can compare it to Canada, and to historial periods as well. It'll be creative writing, socials studies, english, art, and possibly some math as well. I thik it'll be fun. And maybe we can do a presentation at camp next year as well, which would be a riot.

Then math - he's doing grade 3 math and wants to do 2 years worth again, so grade 3 and 4 this year. I want to keep him in workbooks, though, so he doesn't get bogged down by the copying from a textbook yet, so I'm having a hard time finding workbooks that fit well. We'll figure it out. He can learn the copying when he gets into grade 3, which is when they're supposed to do it. With the dyslexia, it's hard enough as is, and he's so good at the math I don't want to frustrate him with the details.

Anyways, there's the reading which I still need to figure out. Reading and writing and all that jazz, which I'll write about another time. Plus cursive handwriting this year, and typing as well. Not much else with the computer yet - he's pretty darn good already. Though I may set him up a blog space too.

What else is on my brain? I'm determined this year to get in shape. Lose weight and get my energy and bounce back. So that's on my mind too. Planning how to be sensible about it, and make it a lifestyle thing, and not a deprivation. Setting goals and rewards and a simple plan I can easily follow when the fall and winter doldrums hit and I am wanting to backslide...maybe we need to plan a winter holiday to a place where I'd need to be in a swimsuit...

But I want it to be fun too, so am looking into bellydance and yoga classes, and planning on going out dancing regularly - when Rob's in town to be home with the boy of course. He's not a dancer, so it's not a punishment for him! I head out when he's getting tucked into bed, but am home by midnight, before the clubs get crazy. Just once a week, at an alternative club for 80's night, which draws a funky and harmless crowd. Not a meat amrket, and I can dance by myself and not get bothered, which is good. Its the best, most fun and releasing exercise for me.

What else - its been the Rob Show all weekend - grand reviews and interviews and profiles everywhere. He went from over 12,000 in the amazon.ca rankings to 1100 overnight from Friday to Saturday, and then today he hit 10th!!!!! They change hourly based on current sales and we don't know what actual sales are, but the ranking is very promising. He stayed at 10th for an hour but has been firmly in the 20's ever since...Fingers crossed that its going as well in the actual stores too. He has a huge advantage of working in the field and therefore being able to see the weekly sales report from the whole country - the one the booksellers get. Plus an inside scoop into the big chains through a friend. Its been incredibly exciting and uplifting for him, and we get to come along for the ride. First launch party is here on Tuesday! Then the next night in Vancouver. Busy week.

Speaking of - back to work tomorrow to get things set up. Kids back the following week. Not too keen on that aspect of my life, but it'll be fine once I'm back in the swing of things. I'm, sure. Really, truly...keep telling myself that, at least....I miss the kids and families and almost all of my crew from last year is back - of the 3 that aren't, 2 were my severe behaviour wild children, so the tone will be much different. Though I loved having them with me too - it let me keep my fingers in, as it were, with my kind of kids. But it'll be calmer and safer for my others. Its the non-kid stuff that has me stressed, since I don't do things the way the larger school does - I'm hands on, getting down and dirty and playing and cuddling and sitting on the floor and I let the parents in to hang with us, which is not okay. Problem is, I only hear about what I'm doing wrong from other staff, and the administraor has never approached me. But I know there's a lot of things she doesn't like. I've heard about them, and her proposed changes, but never from her. So I need to make an appointment to sit down and hash it ut and I'm dreading that. A lot.

Okay, my newest resolution is bed at midnight, which it is, so I'm offsky then (as the Nac Mac Feegles would say). Still have a couple of jobs to do, but once we're back in the swing of things, and my boys go to bed at their regular earlier hours, it'll be good. I need that sleep, but I love my night time solitude as well...I have to find a balance, and I'm working on it.

I'm sure there's more on the brain, but it fels good to get this much out!

So seven years ago...

...at this moment, I was in the hospital, having been induced into labour. Silly baby was overdue and I had lost a lot of amniotic fluid...

Little did I know what the next 15 hours would bring:

• some of the most comfotable moments of being in peace with my body
• the worst pain I've ever experienced
• the discovery that yes, a kidney stone being lodged is much worse than being in labour
• love surrounding me from friends and family as I battled with nurses who refused to believe that it was anything more than a weak woman unable to handle pain
• immense relief as a doctor came in and uttered some magic words: "You've had kidney stones before? She knows what she's talking about, get her some pain relief!"
• the discovery that an epidural, while incredibly painful, is a grand thing
• the joy and comfort of knowing that my husband, who hates hospitals beyond anything else in the world, was willing to brave the OR to hold my hand
• the wonder of a new baby, my, our new baby, being brought into the world
• the humour of him peeing on a nurse...should've know what we were in for right there...
• the massive indignities of not being able to hold our baby, while my husband and mother were busy lifting various and sundry numb parts of me so a nurse could brusquely wash me down
• the amazement in Rob's face as he held this tiny and precious part of us
• the miracle of being a mother...

Wow...its been a fabulous trip so far, and I can only hope it gets even better.

Auspiciously (is that a word?) enough, Rob received an amazing review in the Globe and Mail tonight...and yes, despite what he says, he did stay up late just so he could repeatedly hit the refresh button. Now if only the Vancouver Sun would get their review online, we could actually get to bed!

Tomorrow is just an immediate family celebration - just the 3 of us. Xander plans on taking advantage of the free meal at Denny's (completely and 100% his idea), and wants to go out for breakfast. We're going to pack a picnic and warm clothes and blankets and head out to Butchart Gardens for the fireworks - always worth seeing, though we missed last year. And doubly good, since you can't use an annual pass to go on a fireworks night (Saturdays only, all summer), but you can upgrade your admission to a pass once you're in, and the cost of the pass is slightly less than paying to go once on a fireworks night and once at Christmas, when its amazingly beautiful with fancy light displays...If we don't go in the summer and get a pass, we inevitably skip the winter stuff too, so it's a double treat - immediate and down the road.

Anyways, I need to get to bed, so I can be up to celebrate with m'boys.

What an amazing 7 years its been! Here's to many, many, many more, just as wonderful and fun!

Just a random whimsical observation....

I am astounded, even though I know the facts, by how much cats sleep!

I admit, I am a sleeping pro - show me a bed and I'm there, baby. But the cats...show them a flat surface...or a lumpy one, for that matter...hard, soft, ground level or just under the eaves....it's truly a sight to behold. The ability to flop, stretch out, curl up or otherwise arrange their regal selves and then, immediately, fall asleep is a wonder to behold.

This is a fallout of the cleaning. Not that they're sleeping more - I hardly think that's possible...mind you, once winter hits I do think maybe it is possible after all....But I've given them a plethora of new lounging locations and by golly, they're going to try out each and every one.

We have 3 indoor cats - 2 seniors and one baby. The "poor" dog, much bigger and rather terrified of and threatened by the felines in the house has yet to truly be able to enjoy the new-found chair and couch (yes, its true, you read it here first - I've uncovered half the couch!!!!). She climbs up, settles in and then the kitten comes stutting along, jumps up, freaks the MUCH BIGGER dog out, then proceeds to not only sleep where the dog was, but takes up the same amount of space...How is that possible? The dog is a fair sized border collie cross - knee height and long and solid. The kitten is about 9 months old and is still tiny...I suspect he may never grow much bigger than he is now (his name is Teapot and that's how big he is...). So how does he take up the same space? A question that may never be answered due to the varagies of quantum feline physics...



Okay I'm done my whimsical bit for now. I have a looong list of jobbies today and don't want to get started on any of them...I need to figure out exactly what Xander's birthday (tomorrow) will look like, finish shopping for it and get some wrapping done too. I need to drop off invites for the book launch party at the Montessori I work at, and find out when exactly I'm expected back at work as well. Plus maybe get some information on job expectations - this is stressing me out big time. I feel I'm doing a great job providing services to the families I work with, I've never had better feedback from any families before (mind you I've always done severe behaviour and those families are not apt to recognize work done, for a variety of reasons). My kids are happy and well cared for, I am very confident that I am doing a great job of meeting thier needs, which is of primary importance to me, but I keep hearing, only indirectly, which sucks, that I'm not doing much of any of it right from the administrtors point of view. Urg...I am not looking forward to returning to work, and am in fact looking into alternate employment as well...anyways...I need to see if I can sort a bit of that out today, or make an appointment to do it next week.
Gotta continue with the cleaning. Pull out Xander's work and start researching what we're supposed to be learning this year so I can get my butt in gear and make a lesson plan for the year to submit to our online teacher. Figure out what extracurricular classes he'll be doing and get him registered. Look into any classes I might want to take and figure out if it'll work, logistically. Do laundry. Figure out what to wear for not one, but two book launches next week, and organize family members and so on - meals before? Where? When? Who? Load all my mp3 files from camp and the singing workshop onto the computer, organize and relabel them and upload them for everyone else to access. Ditto for photos. I think that might be the easiest way to distribute them, except for actual prints.

Anyways...it doesn't seem like a ton, but it all requires brain space which I am sadly lacking. Best get to it...

But really, what I want to do is lay down somewhere and channel my inner cat...

deja vu - all over again!

So I have mostly recovered from my physio appointment. I see Ross McFayden, Yates Physio and Sports Med., and he is truly awesome. Turns out I respond really well to acupuncture, so that's what I end up having most of the time. This is still from a nasty, 100% no my fault MVA in Dec. 2004...I only just saw a specialist and had an MRI in June...So we do maintenance and so on. I end up with incredibly tight muscles,and acupuncture releases them. More specifically, plunging does. Which Xander finds hysterically funny, which makes me laugh in between the wails of pain. Today it gave me such an adrenelin response I was shaking and covered with very large goosebumps - "Hey, check out those goosebumps!" says Ross in his cheery voice. My eyes also leaked what must have been tears...sponateously and without warning, and not feeling like tears. Then I got incredibly light-headed and dizzy, which resulted in Ross jabbing an acupuncture needle right under my nose. Owwwwwww!!!! But it so completely works, too. The nausea and lightheadedness lift away. Anyways, with regular acupuncture, the needles are just poked in and let to sit and work their magic. I have to say I am a complete needle-phobe, but it works so well, and the needles are small and not usually very painful at all. Uncomfortable at times, yes, but not painful. With the plunger, though, the needles get screwed into this lovely little implement of torture that allows Ross to center them right where he wants, depress the skin (to get into the actual muscles and so on), and then...PLUNGE IT repeatedly into various areas that are tight. It works - it hurts like hell, but I can feel the muscles screaming their surrender as they suddenly pop free of the tightness. And then I feel really good. Today was just even more intense than normal, possibly becasue he did all along the side of my neck, behind my ear, which is really tender, then through my shoulder, upper chest AND back (traps). But I feel better now that I slept it off for many hours.

The heading refers to my being back at the cleaning. I plan on tackling a couple of large piles...I'm not sure where to put stuff while I do, though. I bought some new shelves for school supply type stuff, but I need to clear a place in the (weird) kitchen to put them, and don't think I'm in the mood for that tonight.

Here goes....

No thanks, Yoko, I like being the rinse cup...

Lily to Yoko on "Timothy Goes to School". Somehow that cracked me up and seemed like a good quote. I just wasn't able to use anything to stress the "like" properly:

No thanks, Yoko. I like being the rinse cup!


After some seriously painful but ever-so-effective acupuncture "plunging", which I'll explain at some later point, i am nauseous, have a headache, and as my physiotherapist calls it, "completely knackered". I am off to lay down for a wee bit whilst my child is plugged into a cool story (that's most likely waaay too old for him) whilst he plays lego. Just for a wee bit until Rob gets home...

I surrender! I surrender!

Well, bowing to the inevitable, I needs must call it quits for the night. Garbage day tomorrow (well, really, today...) and so I'll pull together what I've managed to declutter that isn't recycling, quickly clean out the fridge and do the pet cages, then I'm calling it a night. I have much to do still, but one corner is done. Completely and absolutely...except for the laundry basket and recycle bins taking up the cleaned space, but that's just temporary so no one trips over them at 4:00 am. So I figure I have another half hour of work to go, and then I'm tucking in! The rest will be there tomorrow, and the next day...but then on Saturday, no cleaning! On Saturday, August 26, Xander turns 7 (which terrifies me - 7 is big kid territory). We'll celebrate with gifts, and balloons...okay I must diverge for a second because he said something sad to me today...

Last year he was adamant that we decorate with balloons and streamers. He's really big on creating traditions, which is cool, and I check in with him. So I asked him today if he wanted to help me decorate, or just wake up and have it already done. He says, and I have to paraphrase, because my heart was breaking just a wee bit as he said this. "Just balloons, mom. I think you get to an age where you're too old for ribbons, and maybe that's the age I'm at." The thing is, he was sad about that, but still felt he was maybe too old. I told him people are never too old for streamers, and he said that maybe when you get older, you can like little kid things again. That child is old beyond his years! I said he can balloon shop with me, and if he wanted to change his mind, that was okay too, and that we could buy some ribbons (streamers), just in case. He was doubtful, but said he'd come with me. I may just surprise him with a lavish display anyhow...I'll feel him out tomorrow.

Anyways, we don't celebrate the kid party until Hallowe'en, when we have a Hallowe'en party, which is great fun. But he doesn't have a ton of friends who he's invite to a party - not because of the homeschooling, but because he has a hard time relating to kids his own age. He's never been interested in their games, and doesn't do the playground leader/follower thing - he just goes and does his own thing instead. He's much happier with older kids, but they're not friends in the same way. That's a problem we'll deal with in October.

On Saturday, we've tentative plans to head out to Butchart Gardens for the fireworks, which will be good. A picnic, and I'll find some way to bring birthday cupcakes or something. And he wants a family celebration (on another day) that includes "Deb-Deb", one of my closest friends, and my parents - Omi and Opa to him. He wants to go both bowling (laser) and play mini-golf and I said we could make that work. Plus out for dinner. He is quite the mastermind of his own destiny!

And then we have not one, but 2 launch parties and all the requisite wining and dining here and in Vancouver as well. This shall be a very social week, methinks! Plus all of Rob's media shall hit this weekend, so I must get my scissors and tape recorders prepped! Busy, busy!!!!!

So cleaning first, then planning Xander's birthday, cutting reviews and articles and taping interviews and then getting organized for the launches and all the fun that will come of that.

Yep - time to get the garbage out and tuck into bed! Tomorrow I shall henna my hair in a vain (hah!) attempt to be ready for the space next to the spotlight. Now if only I could get trim and fit in 5 days....

And I just realized that I was going to start going out dancing Wednesdays...hard to establish habits with a memory like mine. I missed choir last week for the same reason! But had fun at choir last night - thanks to Rob who reminded me!!!!

Tangents'R'Us, always open and ready for dizzying changes in topics!

Cleared off one whole chair!

Which is wayyy more impressive than it sounds. Its a big, comfy armchair right in the doorway, which makes it a prime dumping ground for anything people are carrying as they come in - mail and newspapers, books, notebooks, laundry, coats, toys...all sorts of crapola. Not only did I clear it of, but...this is BIG...drumroll please....

I put everything away where it belongs!!!!!

Huzzah huzzah, hurray for me! And the floor immediately around the chair too. Now I'm off to clean the table in front of the chair, though I did the shelves beside it somewhat already - there's stuff that needs time to sort through, so I piled it neatly, rather than getting lost in papers. Of course I'm on the computer again, which means I'm not doing much of anything....

Total and complete subject change:

I bought a fantabulous amount of wool today at Walmart, all on sale (though some still $5.00 skein). I have lovely projects in mind and won't allow myself to begin them until a) my current project is done and b) the cleaning is under control.

Another topic...my brain is nutso right now - could be the coke I just mainlined...cleaning fuel, don't'cha know!
We've begun our schoolwork already, Xander and I, to get him back in the swing of things slowly. 2 jobs a day this week, and I'll up it next week a bit and then we're hitting it head on. There's battles, and I'm not sure how this will go. I'm trying to come up with some strategies to help him be more motivated, internally, and to circumvent the arguments, because as those who know him must have already realized, he is the penultimate lawyer in a pint sized body.

I'm sure there will be both brainstorming and venting occurring on these pages in the next while.

On another note, I'm trying to get organized and upload my recordings from both NWTC and my Hollyhock workshop so my fellow attendees can download and enjoy them too. Hopefully by the end of the month it'll be all done!

Off to clean more - I made a big dinner and did a ton of dishes too, plus the shopping trip and cleaning, so my day has already been pretty darn successful! Lets see how I can improve upon it...

This is me - procrastinating again!

So its a lovely sunny day, but very windy and cooold...for summer, that is. Not even shorts weather, as I just discovered on a quick jaunt out to the local hardware store (literally at the end of the block - how handy is that?). So the weather is sucky, which is probably good for my purposes, because I am seriously avoiding the huge mess that is my study...which also doubles as a second living room. All summer I've been dumping bins and boxes and piles of crap in there - stuff I shoud've sorted out in June, things that are currently homeless in our too-tiny house, books without shelves, out of season clothes that were meant to go into storage - clearly I can just unpack those right now! Al the little bits of detritus from each and every trip I made this summer, which, if you read the previous post, you will note is a lot of trips. If it weren't so darn embarrassing, I'd post a picture...

So now I'm home and almost in a mindset to clean. I have this hateful relationship towards cleaning. I am a slob, and so are R and X. There's no other way to put it. Introduce 10 - 20 new books a week, plus a gadzillion magazines and newspapers, a dog, 3 cats (all indoor), a rabbit and a mouse. In a 1912 house that was falling apart when we got it, with all the inherent dust and mould and crumbling bits...It gets to be a disaster. And I do try to keep on top of it, but I never seem to get there. So every 4 - 6 weeks I go manic and begin a massive clean and de-clutter. I have to be in the right mindset, and I can't force it, or it becomes worse - I just move things around randomly. I need to pick teeny sections and completely clean them and move on to the next. I'm almost proud to say that the kitchen has been at about 80% decluttered all summer, likewise for our family room - main living space containing tv, computer, toys, elliptical and most anything else we do day to day. Except I haven't been able to tame the toys. Xander's room has fallen to severe mould (yes, we're moving eventually but that's another story). So he's in our room and his toys are...everywhere.

I digress. I'm almost ready to clean that huge cesspit of a room, but have not quite got there. It'll probably involve a couple of almost all-nighters, as I am definitely more productive at night.

Okay - I go to survey the situation. Maybe next time I write, I'll have conquered a corner or 2!

Crazy busy-ness!

Home yet again! How many times have I been gone this summer? Kelowna for BC Book Fair, Seattle/Mt Vernon/Bellingham for camp, camping in Parksville, Cortes Island/Hollyhock, Agassiz/Vancouver/Bellingham/Glacier this weekend. Then Vancouver next week again. Plus a day up-Island to Youbou in there...

But I love the summer, and all the travel that comes with it...Maybe its not working(though that has drained the family coffers mightily...). Or just the freedom of being in other places. I love being elsewhere. Hotels and camp grounds, restaurants...all those things so many people can't stand. I like the adventure of it, the fun with friends I don't see often enough, the time with family away from the day to day grind of regular life. I'm more relaxed, even when I'm stressing about new situations and the shyness factor. And I'm more confidant at the same time, somehow. I'm able to be bold and daring and it's less of a risk because its often with people I don't know and will never see again. Its hard to explain. But I get a rush from it, from having to navigate, literally and figuratively, new places and events, and being successful at it.

So we had a very full weekend, me in particular. As is very oftenthe case I procrastinated on the packing and had 3 hours of sleep before we headed out to the ferry, to catch the 7:00 am. Morning is not a prime time for me, but I made it! We caught the ferry and drove right into Vancouver, where Rob had some book stuff to do, at Chapters and with his editor at the Vancouver Sun. He got to be on the receiving end of an interview this time. We went to the German Consulate to get Xander his German passport (and therefore, dual citizenship!) The bureaucracy there needs to be seen to be believed. They close at noon, and are only open Monday through Friday. So the window of opportunity is small and there are many hoops to jump through. My brother and I went through the same process last year, so I'm not new to it...The first person was pretty okay, and not at all snooty that I didn't speak German. I needed to make a declaration because Xander has Rob's last name, and there was some intense grilling from the lady at that window, since we didn't speak the language. She left us for a lengthy while to type up some form, and Rob had to leave (to return at 11:45, just before they closed.) She never came back and I realized that we wouldn't have time to get the photos, which have specific requirements for German passports, different from Canada (which at least I knew), before the office closed. So I tried to find her, and finally spoke to the receptionist, who indicated, I believe, that it was fine. We arrived back and were roundly and firmly and rudely lectured about opening a file and leaving, and every time I tried to explain about not having the opportunity to make it during their short hours, or Rob's need to leave, or her disappearance, I was scolded again, so I did my best Canadian impression and apologized for everything. I got the paper we needed to sign, all in German with no offer to translate, and figured out everything, including a correction, which, when I pointed it out, caused all sorts of muttering again (this is typical of experiences there...). then she disappeared and Rob arrived, and she kept us waiting until right before noon. I was really positive that she was going to delay until they closed, and all they needed was our signatures. But she returned at the last minute and its all done, from our end. Iit needs to get sent to Berlin to be processed and we have to go back to pick it up eventually, but its done, its good for 10 years and Xander will always be able to renew it without all the hassle. And should we ever have other kids, the paperwork won't need to be done again. Hurray!

So to you lovely Americans who keep putting off getting your passport because of the hassle and so on, which will eventually (but not yet!) hinder your crossing the border (and visiting us!) - if we can do it, so can you! Those who've done all the hoop-jumping, kindly disregard this last bit!


I had a very eventful and full weekend, but needs must head to bed, I guess, so will try to carve out some other time to get to it. The boy (small sized) claims the computer for large chunks of the time we're home, and the other boy (full sized) claims it in the evenings, so after bedtime is my time.

Let's just give quick highlights to be fleshed out later:

• visit and lovely dinner at great-gram's, much lauding of the new author
• loooong drive to Bellingham to meet with assorted camp buddies and dance to the rocking sounds of Spaceband (go Aeden!!!) at Fairhaven Pub. They, who live near-by, bailed early, and I, with another 1 1/2 hour drive awaiting me, dance to the end. And I got a cool t-shirt as well!
• Slept in while the boy hung with 2 young cousins, hung out with them, back to gram's for fresh out of the oven buns and another nice visit, photos in trees and corn fields
• Another drive, with youngster in tow, to Glacier for a back-to-school gathering of campers, complete with walk to (or in for Xander and Gwen) the river, wonderful barbecue and amazing food, singing around a campfire and then Mallard's for desert, plus another looong drive back to gramma's
• Mellow morning then a rush to the ferries upon learning of 2 sailing waits and reservations completely booked. Arrived at 2:10 and made it onto the 5:00 boat. Cleaned out the van and made a nice nest in the back to hang out in with Xander
• Home, fell asleep with Xander (go figure!), slept in a bit with him and then spent a good portion of today driving around and delivering invites to Rob's launch (plus a lovely lunch out at OSF, visiting, with almost everyone

Okay, I'm wanted elsewhere, so am off to bed. I'll flesh in the details tomorrow!

Once again, up late with a full day on the morrow...

And procrastinating madly, which I excel at. I'm supposed to be packing, which won't be as hard as all that, since I didn't completely unpack from my arrival home 5 nights ago. And with the next couple of months full of trips away, I think I'll make up a permanent travel bag for toiletries and the like...

Share (crazy, wild, amazing dog) is away at her doggie dude ranch, since we'll be on the ferry when it opens in the morning. I really miss having her here. I hate the nights when she's there and we're still home, even though I know she's having great fun with all her fellow doggie pals. I should drop names here, because the place is so amazing. Pet Pampering, where the dogs all get to run together in a couple of huge yards with toys and massive mounds of sawdust to get dirty in. They're crated at night and meal times and the rest of the time they get to play, play play. Love it and love how caring and friendly all the staff are.

Anyways, went dancing last night, with my best buddy and a couple of her (much younger) work-mates. They drank a lot, except for one who was the driver. And flirted and were downright raunchy, which is not my thing at all. So I kept to the dance floor and danced all on my own and had a blast, and they came and went. I had a blast. I think I need to get out and go dancing more often. This place is a pretty harmless crowd, and on 80's night - every Wednesday, its a goofy crowd, all dressed in their 80's gear (and no, I didn't...this time. In the past I have, though!). Anyways, I think I might go down every once in a while, earlier - we didn't get their until 11:30 which is when it gets crowded and the alcohol kicks in and people get stupid. Go early, like at 10:00 and dance until11:30 or so and then leave. On my own, if I need to, for the fun and fitness factor. I don't need to be social to dance and feel almost better dancing on my own - I can close my eyes and just have fun, rather than having to any attention to whomever I'm with. Especially if they're drinking and I'm the only sober one, which happens often. Not sure how I feel about it, and what Rob will think, but its my favorite way to exercise and de-stress, in my best hours of the day...something to think about, at the very least! And if I go early enough there won't even be a cover charge, and I have at most a water or OJ and 7-Up.

Anyways, gotta go pack. Tomorrow shall be a very very long day. Culminating in more dancing and fun in Bellingham with camp people, so I think it'll be good...though there is a 1 1/2 hour drive after that. I'm packing blankets in the back of the van - worst comes to worst, I'll sleep in the van for a bit, but I should have a good energy spike from the dancing to get me most of the way home, and music in the car for after that. But now I need to fold one load of laundry, pack my clothes (what am I going to wear tomorrow night!!!???????!!!!!), clean the bunny cage and do dishes. And I need to be up at 5:00. Yikes!!! Off I go!

Goin' dancin'...

So I realize that the last entry was doom and gloom. I get into funks, and that was one of them. Its really not as bad as that, but at times it feels like it, just like it does for anyone else. And what's a blog for if not for putting it ALL out there, good and bad?

Nice day...swim date with a friend and her kids (or one of Xander's friends and his mom and sister, depending on your point of view). Hung out, had a big, bad roast chicken with loads of gravy dinner, and had a lovely call from a fabulous and amazing camp friend. It's her birthday, I was going to call her - long distance and across the border, but she called because calling me "was her birthday treat to herself". How lovely and heartwarming is that? AND she's getting a different phone plan that includes Canada so she can call me. Good friends don't have to be in the neighborhood, or the same town, province, or even the same country. It's just lovely, that's what it is.

And now I'm off dancing with my best bud and a couple of young gals she works with for an hour or two. 80's night at a local, very casual club, and we'll dance until it gets busy and then leave. It'll be good. And in 2 nights I get to go out again, in Bellingham this time, to see a friend's band - Spaceband (google them and see what you can find, or look on myspace.com!)

And that's about that!
Lovely.

A quick thought...

Maybe the rest of the year would go better if I were in a different home. One not so dark and falling apart and gloomy...Something with space and light, bright colours and an open feel. The plans are in the works, but we keep needing to put them off, and this place is not a good space to be in. While I love all the books, and they offer a cosy feel, there is a place for openess and clean lines. And the leaks and drips and stress of this house make the rainy months harder to bear.

Maybe we'll be in a position to look at renting somewhere brighter and bigger, until we can set the building plans in motion...No pressure to Rob, but if book sales are good, it would be worth exploring.

Just pondering how to make my other 3 seasons feel better.

There's a chill in the air...

And things are changing.

I'm a Summer girl. Capital 'S', you read that right. Summer. I manage fall, come alive mid-spring, but really, summer is where I'm all that I can be. And tonight, this evening, actually, there was a decided chill in the air. More than just a summer breeze off the ocean. A taste of fall coming sooner than I'd like.

Yes, I know that summer lasts well into fall here, or at least comes and goes. But not true Summer, of hot, lazy days and warm relaxed nights. Of kicking around barefoot - flip flops at the most, in swinging skirts and tank tops, splashing in oceans and lakes, sunset after bedtime, sunrise early in the morning. Meteor showers, birthdays (mine and Xander's), no school, less structure to my days...I have a joy in the summers that doesn't return until the next year. And in the deepest, darkest days of winter, I have the hardest time remembering what summer even feels like.

So while I'm busy trying to pack the final weeks of summer full of fun and activities, trying to capitalize on the natural high and boundless energy and enthusiasm for such things as getting in shape and losing weight, cleaning house and mind, I know that the days are numbered and am saddened by the thought. Here goes...it's a lousy trade-off, 3 months of this high for 9 months of increasing sadness and stress. I'm always hopeful that this will be the year that things will be different, this year I'll have energy, feel better, etc. Not that I'm completely down, or my whole fall, winter and spring suck. But it becomes increasingly hard as the year progresses to be motivated, to have energy or drive, to get the things done that I need to do. I don't know if living in warmer climes, where they don't get the seasonal blues, would make a difference. Sometimes I think I'd like to give it a try. But south of here means leaving Canada, most likely for the States, and that's not something I'm prepared to do right now.

Anyways, let's leave that behind, because I still have a few weeks left!

I wanted to say that, on the journey home from Hollyhock, I had a fabulous conversation with another lady from my workshop. We sat on the ferry and just talked, which neither of us had done while there. I wish we had, because it turns out she was as lonely as I was, and was getting exactly the same vibes that I did...the guarded feelings from others, the lack of safety to completely be herself...all the things I've written about. It was really good to have that talk, and important too. It was what I needed for closure on those 5 days, which were not at all what I had expected, and certainly not what I had anticipated and hoped for. I am eternally grateful for that time and opportunity to really connect, even if it was on the way home.

Our schedule had completely gone crazy, as I said the other day, and its a bit scary to contemplate. We are at a huge turning point in our lives and they will never, ever be the same as they are right now. Soon Rob will begin touring, and the publicity will hit and from there...who knows what will happen. I hope we weather all the transitions this will bring. We'll have to take it all one day at a time...I'm excited and a bit trepadatious. I can't imagine what Rob must be going through.

Nothing witty to add at this point, just loads on my mind, as always. Maybe its a good thing I have no short term memory...I forget my worries regularly - not all of them, but enough!

Home again, home again...

Well, it’s good to be home. We celebrated my birthday a couple of weeks late tonight with cake and presents – it’s been crazily busy, so we postponed it.

My brain is completely and absolutely full to the brim, so I’m going to just try to dump it all here – there will be no order and possibly not much of interest to anyone other than myself…but you never know!

Yesterday was the last day at Hollyhock and the long trip home. The pancake breakfast, much touted and advertised, was, frankly, a disappointment. I completely understand the vegetarian stance, and even the no-wheat, no-dairy, for the most part. But wheat and dairy free pancakes are incredibly heavy and, well…the complete opposite of all that pancakes should be. Fresh blackberries and organic maple syrup can’t disguise that. It was the same with the spelt cream puffs, which were less than puffy. But that’s okay…I wasn’t impressed with the food, but I am notoriously picky. I shan’t mention it again (I don’t think…)

The morning session was good – we went through almost all the songs we’d sung straight through. I recorded it all and need to find a place to upload the mp3 files – something free and easy to use. Then the other workshop members can get the songs as well. We went for a walk and sang around this beautiful pond, and then another lady and I lost the group and missed the final closure, so we and 2 others had our own song in the middle of the path. I loaded up the van, collected my 2 passengers and was bound and determined to catch the early ferry, so we planned to leave before lunch. Then I remembered that I never got my clothing back from the girl who tipped in the kayak the night before, so ran around like crazy trying to find her. Finally did, and we rushed out, and got in line – it looked like we might or might not make it. The ferries only leave Cortes every 2 hours and I didn’t want to have to wait for the 3:50 sailing. Thankfully we made it on, and then drove across Quadra Island (only 15 minutes), and caught that ferry too. Then a four hour drive had me arriving home at 8:30 pm…having left at 12:30! Yikes. I had 2 lovely passengers – one was the lovely lady I drove up with last week. We dropped her off near Nanaimo. The second is a fellow choir member, who I didn’t know at all before this week. We had a lovely visit all the way down to Victoria. It was so nice to be back home, but disconcerting too – jarring in the reminder that I’m back in the ‘real’ world!

What else – lazy day today. We took one of our elderly cats to the vet for routine bloodwork – he’s hyperthyroid. Pricey! $150 later, we came home…but he’s 16 and one of the family, so we do what we must.

I’ve just realized that I need to start really looking at the fall…classes for Xander, my work schedules for both jobs, Rob’s tour schedule and event schedule, things I’d like to do…My life is about to ramp up drastically again, and with Rob out of town so much, and book events we can go to off Island as well as here, it’ll be busy. I really want to make sure that there is time for me this year…I’m definitely going to choir, even if it means bringing Xander with me some nights. I’d also like to take yoga and belly dance, but suspect that it’ll be one or the other for the fall at least. And then there’s making time for walking the dog, and hopefully doing some aerobics or something. And going out dancing again more, since I’ve been reminded that I love it. And part of me cringes at the thought of being greedy enough to do so much for me, but the fact is, the more I take care of myself, the better off everyone lese will be too. And I need to think about Xander’s lesson plans and what homeschooling will look like this year. We need to tackle the reading full on, but also need to explore science and socials more formally, and introduce handwriting this year. That’s a lot – I always knew that grade 2 was a big year, and now we need to work hard to make it work! Plus planning his extracurricular activities…

What else is on my mind? There’s a camp gathering of Whatcom County (and area) people this weekend, and SpaceBand is playing in Fairhaven and I really want to go. We’re trying to figure out how to make it work. Rob has to be in Vancouver on Friday anyways, for a book thing at Chapters, and the ferry is paid for. We’ll be doing those ferries a lot…this Friday, then the 30th for his launch, then the next weekend to Galliano, to a good friend’s store – Lee Trentedu’s Galliano Books. Then the next weekend he’s gone for a week to Toronto…Anyways, I’m steaming off topic…this weekend…how to make it work, allowing me to spend time there, but still have family time in Agassiz as well…I think we may have hit upon a solution that will have me on the road a lot, but should work out…Its been taking a lot of head space to figure out and I think that it’ll only get crazier from here on out.

I think that’s all I’ll say tonight. I know there’s way more, but I need to get to bed earlier. That, eating healthier and getting fit are huge goals for me starting now. September has always been the ‘new year’ for me – and indeed, for many people who work in the school system. That’s when the year starts, plain and simple. Its crazy to think that summer is almost over, and for a lot of camp friends, already done. My Phoenix pals went to work with bums in seats today…how weird is that? But in 3 weeks I’ll be in the same position. I’m working hard at not panicking, but I have to admit that the anxiety is beginning to build…I need to do some stuff to clear my brain, and my physical living space too. And get my health a bit back on track. Curious that, having spent 5 days relaxing, over the past 2 weeks, all the numbness that I’d been experiencing which had faded a bit has returned, even more severe. That’s scary and I’m trying not to think about it…is it heat and sun, as I’ve been out more? MS is triggered by sunlight, and that scares me…I’m not going to worry tonight. I’m going to go and do dishes and read a bit and try to get a good night’s sleep. Wish me well!

Glowing waters and meteor showers...

So I went for a kayak trip tonight, to see the bioluminescence...glowing plankton. Wow! It was incredibly cool to be padling in dark, with each stroke of the paddle creating little glowing swirls of light. And, as an added bonus, it was the meteeor showers too, though I didn't see as many shooting stars as I'd liked. We had an excellent naturalist with us, and a fablous guide as well, which was incredibly great when one lady tipped her kayak and needed rescue. The guides were amazing, and swung immediately into action and she was back in her boat in minutes.

Its late, I'm tired and I have a lot to do to pack and take down the tent in the morning before my last workshop session and the 2 ferries and looong drvie home.

Wonderings

Well, it's my 4th day at Hollyhock, and I'm settled in. I'll write more from home about some of my experiences as I process them. The music and singing have been lovely. Lots of 4 part harmonies that resonate and sound marvelous in the beautiful space we sing in. We've also been outside singing to the sea and the gardens. Last night we had an open sing where a lot of the community came and joined us too.

This all feels superficial to write. It has not been at all the level of intimacy or closeness that I expected... I assumed something not like camp but closer to it than everyday life, but this is really like any other workshop, in a beautiful setting. Its supposed to be very holistic and open and all that jazz, but people are all guarded and reserved, even after so many days. They don't make eye contact on paths, or often say good morning or hello - I know because I always do, in my most chipper, friendly, outgoing version of myself, which is hard to be, and I get responses less than 50% of the time, easily.And no one says good night. They just wander off. I actually called home late one night with incredibly poor cell phone reception just so I had someone to say good night to. The night before I said goodnight in my tent to all my loved ones all on my own. Which I realize sounds horribly pathetic, but its a tradition and ritual I've always known and I miss it when its not there. I like my contact with people.
Those of you who know how tactile I am will understand how its just killing me not to feel I can even pat someone on the shoulder as I pass them on my way to a table.
So I have lots of wonderings about the causes of this and am doing lots of exploring in my journal, so I am sure that I'll eventually explore them more here.

Tonight I'm going on a bioluminescent kayak, out under the sunset, then into dark, to play with the plankton that glows at night. I'm incredibly excited - I could do similar at home, but there are absolutely no city lights for miles and miles, to detract from the glow. AND I just found out it's the meteor showers as well, so I'll have a double treat. I am incredibly pumped about it.
And then tomorrow, after an apparently amazing organic pancake breakfast, and one more singing session, I pack up and head back home to my house and my boys and my pets and all that is good in my life with a better appreciation for them!
Singing session for the morning starts in 10 minutes, so I'm off!

Feeling a bit better...

Well, the first evening is over, which means that the hardest part, for me, has past...I presume!

Was brave and sat with strangers at dinner and introduced myself- a couple of lovely ladies from Washington, who it turns out are in my singing workshop. Plus my wonderful passenger from the drive up and another lady doing the 3rd workshop offered.

I managed my meal - it's all very good, but I'm a plain foods girl, so gourmet and fancy stuff isn't always for me. I took too much and ended up leaving some, which was not good of me, but now I know for next time. I skipped dessert as penance.

I made it through the first workshop session - the introductions, which are always hard for me. And then we sang a couple of songs, after finding our place in space and doing some warm-ups and so on. It was lovely, in the most beautiful building - I think it might surpass the chapel for view and architecture here...I'll take photos and post some.

Time to head to my tent and get ready for bed. The shower/bathrom house for the tenting area is really clever. I was worried (a bit) about communal bath-house, with the swimsuit optional philosophy, but it is a lovely building with a breezeway all down the center, small cubicles with toilets and sinks along the left, showers on the right, with towel hooks and cubbies in the breezeway. Very lovely.

Decisions...do I get up early to do yoga at 7:00 am? Or sleep in and just go to breakfast at 8:30? I do have the chance to nap in the afternoons (I guess an advantage to travelling child free).

I'll decide in the next while!

off to bed now...

At hollyhock

Well, I've arrived.

Nice drive up with another Hollyhock participant (I wanted to say camper, but that's not it!). The drive flew by, with good company, and the ferry trip was lovely. Upon arrival I set up the tent and lugged some bags up to the tent site (first trip was with a golf cart driven by staff). Then discovered I'd left all my toiletries at home. Including such essentials as bug spray and cream...Most important now since I have bites along both ankles. I found a wee ($$$$)market and got the bare essentials, so at least I'll be clean. Its 2 ferries to get here, so little chance of shopping - I'll just have to manage. Hopefully I'll find someone with the goods I need!

No rain yet, but definitely threatening to! The tent site is about the same size as my tent, and sloped, but it fits! Wandered about a bit, getting the lay of the land (after my mad dash out to find soap and toothpaste). I also picked up a traveler on the first ferry looking for a ride across that island to the second ferry, and a couple of stranded elders who'd walked too far and couldn't manage their way back. Me, who never gives rides to anyone I don't know! But this island two removed from the big island is very laid-back, and dare, I say...hippy-ish?

In a good way, of course!

What else? I'm feeling really shy right now, but hopefully will get over it soon. The view out my tent door is lovely - I'll post it. Um....oh! It's my kind of place - no shoes in any building,s and perfectly barefoot worthy most everywhere else! Lovely. And I'll get a sure workout hiking from building to building, on hills - more even than camp! Unless I lived in a cottage past the pool, I guess...

Computer is pay by the minute, so there may be more typos for the next 5 days, but that'll have to do!

I think I'll leave it at that and add as the mood and time strike me!

Off to an organic (good) vegetarian (not so good - for me!) dinner!

Seriously freakin' the bean

Whatever that actually means...

I am avoiding cleaning out the rabbit and mouse cages, feeding the pets and doing my lat bit of packing. I need to get on it pronto, since I need to be on the road at 7:15. To places far away and really, really SCARY!!!!

So my darling friend Laura is currently (or approximately currently) on a train from point A to point B...in Mongolia! And I am freaking out because of a little workshop here. Though maybe I'd freak out less if I were in a foreign country, with a completely different culture and no one I knew, because I'd expect to mess up every once in a while, and it would be a foreign experience and I wouldn't run into people at home...but maybe not. I am so shy and cautious...

And I'm gonna miss Xander!!! Rob too, but we're used to being apart every once in a while. I haven't spent this much time away from my little guy yet, and though I know its good for me, I'm still really upset about it. I don't have to LIKE it.

Anyways, I'm still nervous (can you tell?!!?). Seriously so, but I'm sure it will be fine. I'm driving someone up - it'll give me a chance to not go into it completely alone - hopefully we're nicely compatible so the looong drive up isn't uncomfortable.

That's it for that. For the other pertinent news:

Before I Wake is officially ON SALE!!!!!!!

Which is exciting beyond belief. Rob had a very stressful and stupid afternoon - not at all his fault, a non-book event that was imposed upon him. It messed up his entire afternoon and evening, and worse, his enjoyment of what was supposed to be a stellar day. And Chapters didn't have his book put yet (yes, we checked!) which was also disappointing. But otherwise, great news and tons of positive feedback from all over again, and more to come, I am sure.

Now off to cleaning up and feeding pets...packing...stressing and not sleeping....

Wish me luck!

Oops!!!!

Silly me.

I appear to have toasted my self most egregiously today. All because of my silly memory.

So the Snowbirds (aerial stunt team) were in town today, and I'd planned to go for a while, with Xander. Even planned a trip up-Island (oh! the jet-ski - more later!!!!!) for the day yesterday, rather than the weekend, for other reasons as as well, but in part so we could go to the Snowbirds today.

They were at Willow's Beach, in Oak Bay, which has very little parking and tons of narrow residential streets, so I'd thought to pack a picnic and our sand toys and go early, like at 10:00. At which point I was just waking up. But even if I'd remembered then, we'd've been fine. But no - at 12:25 Rob asks if we're going. Duh! Stupidly I forgot. So we threw on some actual clothes and hit the road. And drove in circles for a good while, until, at 12:58 (the show was to start at 1:00), I find a place...a good 20 minute hustle from the beach. We decide to chance it - there's still tons of people trying to find parking and I figure maybe they'll start late. So we make it, get to the beach at 1:25 (walking barefoot the whole way, us two free spirits! On HOT pavement!!!...and the edges of people's lawns ;o) ). We settle in and the show doesn't start for another 15 minutes. It was fabulous, although there were some very poorly behaved kids playing right in front of us with much bullying and screaming at each other - 3 siblings. And if I consider them very poorly behaved, they were pretty serious indeed. So that was a distraction. But we built some small castles and hung out (in the direct mid-day sun) and watched the show. On the way back to the car we stopped at a water park and, despite having no swim clothes or towels, got completely and utterly DRENCHED. And had a blast whilst doing it!

So I neglected to put sunblock on either of us, and I am now a little scrorched. maybe a lot in some places. Xander...not at all. I pride myself on the fact that he has yet to get even a bit of a sunburn, due to my vigilance. But today I was blatantly neglectful, and yet, while I crisped my chest, shoulders and upper back,he had nothing. I don't get it. Perhaps a layer of grime kept him safe? Or the lack of fruits and veggies in his diet? Maybe all carbs and meat causes a type of inner sun block? He was wearing a fairly baggy t-shirt and longish shorts, while I was in a cami...but still. Maybe he was in my shadow a lot? It didn't seem that way. He spent an amusing time tonight trying to explain that I didn't move fast enough to dodge the sunbeams...but I don't think that was it...

Anyways, mea culpa this time. Loads of aloe gel and Dream Cream from Lush (oh...how lovely on a burnt back!!!). And maybe some tylenol before bed would be a good idea. It feels like a dragon breathed on me...at very close range. So...oops!!!

Anyways - yesterday my darlin' brother took me out on his amazingly huge and powerful jet-ski. Twice. We were up to 55 MPH, which is incredibly fast to be racing along the lake. Lots of tight donuts - he almost lost me a couple of times and I have no idea how he managed to hold own tight enough to not lose us both! We swam in the lake, Xander and I for a lengthy time, and it was lovely - usually its still pretty cold even in the beginning of August, but this year it's lovely. Xander went for a ride too, but smashed his lip on the handlebar stem and sliced it open, so that was the end of that. I l;literally could not stop giggling, and I have to admit, shreikinga bit, as we bonmbed along. The second time the lake was choppier, and I was just in a swimsuit rather than the jean shorts I'd worn the first time, so I had NO traction, and had to brace myself with my feet and hold on with my thighs like riding a horse. I'm actually feeling it today. But oh what fun!!!!

Then to my parent's for an amazing dinner of steak, potatoes and fresh corn....mmmmmmm! And homemade buttercream cake for dessert, for my and Jenn's birthdays. Fantabulous is all I can say!

Anyways, I have a book review I need to quit procrastinating about, and laundry and dishes waiting and its already 12:50, so I need to hop to it!

Oh, and cream to apply, of course...

I'm freaking out a little...

I'm about to embark on an adventure. Pretty cool, but terrifying for me in so many ways.

Background...camp has inspired me (thank you Julie M!!!) to be bolder and wilder. Not crazy, but stepping out of my comfort zone, even just that little bit, and seeing where it takes me.

Well, in September (last year), I made a bold move and joined a local choir I've been wanting to join for years. It's called The Gettin' Higher Choir. Averages 300 members per season, is 4 part, non-audition, anyone can sing type of thing. Incredibly welcoming, but it was still a huge step for me. I'm not confident in my singing voice. I'm shy. Hideously, horrendously, achingly shy. Not once I get to know people, and not usually one-on-one (though sometimes that too). Definitely not in a forum like this. But in a group...

I love to learn, love to take classes in dance, movement, art...but almost always stuff where I work on my own, learn as part of a group, but still individually. For choir, I had to pick my section - not too hard since I was in a jazz choir all through high school - alto, low if it gets broken down. Then I had to get to know some of my choir-mates, since a huge part of the choir is repetoire songs and we learn through the 'sourdough' method - the regular choir is the starter, us newbies are the fresh ingredients and we have to listen well to learn. So I had to find people I could learn from. This has gone incredibly well. I've made new friends, and have had an amazing time with the choir. I'm thrilled I took the plunge and can't see it not being a part of my life anymore. Practices are 3 times a week, and we choose 1 to attend...but can go for more. Any time I can, I'm going twice a week, to the 2 session close to home.

We have 2 concerts a year. Plus a lot of SWATS - Sing When Asked To...performances for various festivals, charitable do's, the world peace forum this year, all sorts of stuff. But its the concerts I want to write about. Wow is this a long set up for a short end result! Bear with me, if you can. One of the choir directors, Shivon Robinsong (and isn't that a lovely name?), is on the Board of Hollyhock, a Wellness Centre on an island off of Vancouver Island, about 4 hours north of Victoria. At each concert - which I'll write about at a future date, as they are benefit concerts for Power of Hope and for Kapassani (sp?) village in Mozambique - at each concert there is a draw for tuition at one of the programs at Hollyhock - 2 draws, one from the audience tickets and one from the choir member list. Rob won the audience ticket, its for a music based workshop, he passed it on to me, and next Wednesday I'm off to Hollyhock.

Now here's where everything was leading up to. I'm going alone. For 4 nights, 5 full days. I've never been away from Xander for more than 1 night. The last time I left home to go to classes alone like this was university...18 years ago. At camp, I went with Pat Thompson the first year - and had Xander for a lovely foil. In truth, I hide behind him regularly. he makes me step out of my shell, but he also detracts attention from me. I'm going to a singing workshop, in which I am sure I will be singing on my own at times. With no one I know except my director, who is leading the workshop, but who I know on a very superficial level - if she recognizes me from choir, I'll be lucky - there are 300 people each session, and over 1000 members over the past 10. We blur together. Though after this she'll know who I am.

I am freaking out. Logically I know I can do this, and I am by nature a very logical gal. Which makes it harder when my emotions go crazy like they are now. I know Xander will be fine - I have absolutely no worries there. But I'll miss him dearly. We're very connected, he and I. Rob's book comes out the day before I leave - I'll be going mental wondering how sales are, how he's doing with it all. I'm used to being there to support him when things are stressful. Though I can check in - cell phones apparently work in the parking lot...Though they are discouraged. Oh yeah - Hollyhock is one FANCY retreat centre. All organic, all vegetarian (and I am a picky eater...), not shoes in any building, which I can completely get behind. Swim suits optional on the beach and in the hot tubs, which pushes my comfort zone farther than I'd like. So pricey that I can only afford to tent - only my tuition is covered - meals and tenting is $85 a night. And we know about the curse...do I want to be setting up tarps in a ritzy place like that? Because it WILL rain if I put up a tent. Meeting tons of new people - there's 4 different workshops going on at the same time and everyone mingles at meals and free time. Mingling, talking, small talk, chatting, singing with strangers. Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Okay, deep breath. I know it will be fine - but I have to survive the build-up to it. The 6 hour trip to get there, getting more nervous every moment. The walking in to the main room to register, then the setting up of my tent, then going cold into the dining hall....little enough things, but I'll be completely on my own and that is one hell of a challenge for me. I have panic attacks thinking about it. I seriously am THAT shy and insecure in new situations. And I hadn't realized just how much I was hiding behind Xander.

I'm sure this will be the best thing for me. There're computers there - I'll blog if I get the chance, and will journal for sure. But I am as scared as I've ever been - maybe even more than when I left home to go to university, since I knew people from school there. I went from high school to a dorm, to living with Rob. I've never been on my own, and even 5 days like this is enormous to me.

Well, there it is. If anyone wants to offer any sage words of wisdom, I'd be happy to hear them. I am excited, too, but right now it is overwhelmingly swamped by my terror!

All about Rob

Who is sick...again, or perhaps still.

He returned from Toronto in June with:

• walking pneumonia
• strep throat
• pink eye - both eyes, don't 'cha know...

Since then he has taken to bed a few times with various aches, pains, headaches, etc. When we were camping (X and I) he went to the doctor and had some sort of crazy post nasal drip and a "cracked tonsil" - WTF? So he's been on antibiotics for a week, but...Yesterday, and indeed the night before, he was struck down with a fever, chills, aches and pains and apparently some sort of mental disorder that caused him to moan loudly at every exhalation...whenever there was an audience. I gave up a doctor's appointment today so he could go and get checked out - new antibiotics - stronger, and bloodwork to be done to check him out for...mono. Yep...perhaps he shouldn't travel, cause who knows what mischief he gets himself into?

Anyways, poor boy is NOT doing well right now, but for some reason insisted upon spending the entire day at work...but I really wanted to write about his book...

So Before I Wake comes out in bookstore in 6 days. Yep. Six. That's all. The launch parties are at the end of the month - 2 parties, one in Victoria, one in Vancouver. Media can start to do their stuff with it 2 weeks after publication. So our lives are going to get a bit crazy - his far more than mine.

In addition, there's the US contract - out some time next spring, but shortened by 50 pages :o(

And the Greek and Polish translations, dates to be determined.

Oh yeah - also the new contract for England, Australia and all of the English speaking British Commonwealth...also pub dates TBA...

So now the biggest news - most recent and also incredibly, nauseatingly exciting - he signed with a literary film agent in LA. And a big wig at that. A guy with mojo, connections, drive and a deep liking of the book. Who has already began to send it around. It's with Nicole Kidman right now. Seriously. And a bunch of others at the big production companies - not the junior crews either, but about "4 levels down". From the top, not the bottom. Yikes! Ahhh! Crazy excitement. This has the potential to completely change his life, and ours in the bargain. Big time. So feel free to Google the agent - his name is Jerry Kalajian.

So we're all very excited and a wee bit snakey right now - and one of us is fevered to boot. And muttering profanities in the background each time he coughs...

We'll see what the next month holds - it's sure to be exciting.

Oh - and his new official website is up too - it's linked on the left ------>

In stores (in Canada) on Tuesday, August 8, 2006
Before I Wake by Robert J Wiersema

Pre-order now through your favorite independent bookseller...
Or order a personalized copy through Bolen Books - www.bolenbooks.ca

That's it for my advertising plug!
But, IMHO (though biased) it is sooooo worth it - and get the Canadian version - it's the better one!